I wake up the sound of wind whistling through the open window in my bedroom, my room mate making breakfast, and Mary J. Blige singing "My life's just fine, fine, fine, fine" (my alarm). Thinking about Mary J. Blige a lot these days, and the power of affirmations. But pull this thread and then again your affirmations become incantations and I wind up worshiping the devil and trying to explain it to my disbelieving friends.
I opened my email and had a message from someone with the same name as a gay porn star but let's refer to this person as "PK" for no reason. Attached was a picture of a pretty cute butt.
Subject: Hey Stud...
Message: Up to get together?
My response: Who are you? How did you find me?
PK: I think you fucked me a while back. Are you on Manhunt?
Me: Rarely. I think I would have remembered fucking you.
PK: LOL. Ok. Let's.
To be perfectly honest I will stress the part of the sentence as such: "I think I would have remembered fucking you." Cause I might not remember. I asked him who he was again and he hasn't written back. I debated with myself all day whether or not to tell anyone about this because what if some random hot guy just wants to have sex with me and I jinx it by talking about it? I noticed just now that the "To:" field of the e-mail was left blank, meaning he had bcc'ed me, along with who knows who else. Then it dawns on me that the fact that he has the same name as a popular gay porn star (but not the same tattoos) is suspect. So I start to wonder if someone is trying to bed me or if they're just trying to humiliate me.
And as a seasoned Romantic I can tell you that there is no difference between the two. I am excellent at both of these hobbies (fucking and humiliation) and I am not scared to jinx myself by writing about them.
I'm going to the gym.