Hero for Us

Friday night Dan and Bobo came over and we made a really nice dinner salad. Dan went off to the East Village, and Bobo, Jenny and I all drank red wine, smoked cigarettes and got dressed up. Danielle wore a neon blue dress and gold shoes and fancy black stockings. I wore my new tight blue pants and my big big shoes. Jenny wore all red and black. We went to Royal Oak to dance to old Soul records. A bunch of friends came out and it was actually the most fun I've had in a while. I forgot that I really like to dance. Lucky. One boy kept trying to hold my hand while we were dancing, which made me slightly less enthusiastic. By that point (two in the morning) they had stopped playing Soul records and were playing weird rave songs. Later we went to the fag bar. Endless.

Saturday I cooked all day. Joanna and I went out to dinner and held each other. I retired early with Jenny and Cassie. Felt alternately as if I was wasting time and investing it. In me! Sunday was a blur. I finished the Lorrie Moore short story collection and began reading Women As Lovers by Elfride Jelinek. Took myself on a date to the Whitney to see the Kara Walker exhibit, an experience that was nearly ruined by the very loud, ostentatious and mildly offensive gallery guide ("Here we see the phrase 'White Man' written repeatedly, Kara Walker is very interested in race, it's... um, important, to her as a Black Woman"). I was really into the Ryan Trecartin movie on the first floor, for a number of personal, social, aesthetic and (let's face it) chemical reasons. Went shopping. Walked 45 blocks, listening to Siouxsie Sioux and contemplating drama. Watched The L Word at the neighbor's house and read myself to sleep.

I gave two weeks notice at my job on Friday. I'm a little worried about what I'm going to do, and a little hopeful as well. Mostly bored of LITTLE feelings.

Thinking of rescues and desire. I guess I can't complain about it, but I'm curious to know what it feels like. A Rescue, I mean. Rescue and Desire, I mean. I need a hero. I don't need to be a hero I need a hero. Someone pick up the slack. Come bring me back to life. Slay a dragon.

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