Saturday I went to the gym, then Ves came over to take photos. We ate donuts (they were a prop, first) and I tried to look good. At night I met up with Richert and Miriam for Tingel Tangel. Richert's movies and performance went splendidly, I thought. I'm so flattered to have been involved even a little. Darlinda Just Darlinda did a really great number, giving birth to then destroying the image of Sarah Palin. Johnny Darling read a beautiful, heartbreaking / funny piece. Went out to the bar afterwards. A cute boy told me I was very handsome, gave me his number, wanted to have a kissing contest with me, but I'm too competitive to get involved. Sunday I visited Jiddy at her job at the New Museum. Saw the much-ballyhooed show, "After Nature." Stood under Zoe Leonard's tree for a while, it was pretty profound. Almost started crying. Gotcha.
A lot in my life hinges on me not feeling ridiculous. There is a willful suspension of disbelief that runs the spectrum of my life experience. At one end of the spectrum I am getting onstage to sing in front of strangers, having my photo taken. At the other end of the spectrum is just me getting up in the morning. But the whole thing relies on my not know, constantly un-learning and disremembering how ridiculous and awful I am. And I generally do a good job of this. I'm getting better every day (certainly in the last two years) at knowing a different thing about myself, instead of being awful. So it's frustrating when people want me to feel awful. Being, like all Leos, generous in nature, I can understand that when people are doing nasty things including calling you nasty that it is often a function of their own problems. You are forgiven.
This blog is so funny. I write under the assumption that this is all anyone will ever read of this, and so I keep working out the same equation which is: try to hate yourself a little bit less. But this is a good, productive equation! If we all practiced it, I know my life would be a bit easier. i wouldn't have to kick so many folks out of my life, if they just liked themselves a little bit better.
So maddeningly busy. A year ago around this time I stayed in every night with my room mates. Did a lot of drugs and listened to Lisa Germano's Geek the Girl really loud every day. The kind of life, one in which I have the luxury of wallowing in depression, is like a fantasy. It's exciting. I get to play shows, I get to write songs. It's great. It's amazing. I'm involved with a bunch of projects involving lots of other fabulous folks and it's all good and community excitement intrigue. It's just hard, though, to make time for everything. Like, tonight. I'm going to be interviewed on Sirius radio. On their LGBTQ station, Sirius OutQ, on the Diana Cage show. I'm a girl in a hurry, no doubt about it.
Still feel sort of stymied when it comes to my love life. I wonder, am I allowed to complain about boys? Is it fair to feel rejected, really? I am trying to find a nice way to muse over this in a public way without incriminating or insulting anyone. I'm not finding it. Let's move on.
I wrote a new song, my first in a while. And I don't want to sound awful, but I really, really like it. I'm still working out the kinks the way I do with anything. But I'm pleased. I want to make more anthems of love. This one is called "Intimidation", for now, and it's about being shy. And lower-case-l love.
Really, I just wanted to write a blog entry about Yelle. I know, its totally old hat. I never said I was hip or cutting edge. I've never called myself a hipster. I don't know anything about what's cool. How boring. But Yelle's record is pretty important to me. Whoever is working for her, the label or whatever, is trying to spin it like she has these really dirty lyrics, but I don't think that's really true. She's not, as some lazy press people have said, anything like Peaches or anything. "Je Vuex Te Voir" is actually a sort of sweet song. The lyrics ("I wanna see you in a porno film") are about, like, demystifying the body. I find her totally charming and unassuming and sincere and nice. And if the bright colors are a marketing ploy, then I totally fall for it and I am a big fan. Random: her favorite band is Rage Against the Machine. How cute is that?! I went to her debut NYC show, actually. Like, a year ago, when my friend Susan was opening for her at the Knitting Factory. I was too into Susan's set to even pay attention to Yelle and now I'm really kicking myself for it. That song? "À Cause Des Garçons"? About the crazy things we do for boys? LOVE IT. Sold! Here's the video for "Ce Jeu". Which is about as perfect as a thing like a music video can ever really hope to be: