10/1/08

Comment on time-travel

I am only hungry if I starve myself. If I get stoned or something. I have to trick myself into thinking that my stomach is empty. Count five hours since lunch. I used to be insatiable and now everything seems like too much. Find I've had my fill and the waitress has only brought us water. Realize myself nauseous and your friends are still setting the table.

And I'm forcing it down.

I wonder about permanency. They say there's no guidebook for this, that it takes time. But it doesn't, your friends are wrong. It's not a process and it doesn't get easier. It gets harder, then it becomes unbearable then it stops. And that's it. I'm pressing my face to the wall of your bedroom and listening. Shouldn't this be different? I mean, shouldn't it change sometime? Holding a stethoscope. I am doubting the tools we use to measure it, cause I'm listening and I'm waiting to hear a heartbeat and I just don't.

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