Everything is exactly the same. There is a really scary ease with which I can deduce this. It's as if everything is exactly the same volume. All instruments playing all of the notes at exactly the same time. Give me a beat. A din to rise above.
Blood and spit and sweat. And dirt. Every temperature at the same time. I'm trying to have a feeling that's not the same as every other one. It's not working. You work really hard and then you get what you want. Or, you don't get it. Or nothing happens. Or something really awful happens. It's the same. I don't know.
I have the desire to apologize, but I didn't do anything wrong. I just want to avoid conflict. To quit everything. I don't want to succeed I don't want to change anybody's mind I don't want to convince anyone of anything. I want to bow out. I want to get into a hole somewhere I don't want to talk to anyone about it. Give me a movie.