Giving It, the Service

Friday night after work I went to Saks Fifth Avenue and spent a $100 gift card on Kiehl's. Investment. Went to Jiddy's pumpkin party. Ate a lot of candy. Escape with the Trannibals present. Retreated to Paps' house to watch Talk Soon.

Sleep interlude: I dreamed I was sleeping in a forest. Surprised to wake up in a stranger's bed.

Saturday I went to the NY Art Book fair. Was summarily overwhelmed. Bought new issues of
Cabinet and Useless magazines. Instead of reading anything from the pile of books in my IN-BOX.

As I am finishing reading
Queer, I realize I've read it before, just not to the end. I keep putting it down and starting over. It totally depresses me, the Burroughs depiction of suffering. I mean, Gay Suffering. It's a queer feeling. Oh well. I want to read Junky next but I'm afraid that will depress me too. Maybe everything depresses me. Reading Naked Lunch didn't depress me. Kinda the total opposite; it is like someone inflating you with helium or setting you on fire. It repurposes language, to me. My friend Justine once told me that it was her favorite book, but that calling it her favorite book was so problematic. I agree.

Also on Saturday my best friend Bobo
moved in.

Sunday I met up with Miriam at Richert's house to shoot our final ensemble dance video on his roof. It went really well, I must say. Jean came by to film it and she had a really cute outfit on that actually brightened my day quite a bit. We went out to lunch and shopping in bed-stuy. I bought an orignal vinyl copy of
moved into my apartment. Stay tuned.Nightclubbing, which might be one of my favorite albums. Also got incense to attract money. Couldn't hurt, right?

Thinking a lot, still, all weekend long, about Roisin Murphy. She sort of sounds like Annie Lennox, huh? And dresses like Grace Jones or David Byrne. And looks (I think, anyway) just like Laura Dern. I like that her first record, Ruby Blue, is essentially an experimental psych record making R&B gems out of found sounds. And I like that her second record, Overpowered, is a completely 80s-style disco record and she keeps calling it "piano house". And she's totally into fashion and clothes but refers to it as "stupid fashion". I think that's great. Also her lyrics are pretty disarming and wonderful, to me. The chorus of her song about Global Warming goes "Dear Miami / You're the first to go / disappearing / Under melted snow". And that her videos are so important to the overall work, I really like that. I'm so, so kicking myself that I didn't know enough to be able to go see her NY debut last Friday night. I heard it was amazing. The title track is about trying to get over someone. And she talks about "oxytoxins ever flowing into [her] brain". Do you know what she's referring to? Oxytocin. I just think it's so great to write a pop song about that.

I'm not in such a bad mood anymore. I do feel a kind of righteous indignation though. Like, I put up with so much of other people's shit, and put up with it so gracefully. I never have time for myself (Constant Complaint: I'm working on it). I feel like I should get a gold star for restraint. I should win award for spirit. Like in kids' soccer, I want to be recognized for my goodwill, even though I may not be winning. (In fact, I am winning, though). Anyways, I want it to be understood that most of the time I'm Not Making A Big Deal About It, and the reason I don't is because I don't want to shame people around me by calling attention to their shortcomings. I am gracious. I give. And I want back.

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