Never holding back

Tonight I'm gonna hang out with Lazarus and Jiddy. Movie night. After much searching and perusal of YouTube clips, I finally own my own VHS copy of the Holy Grail of Grace Jones Fandom: A One Man Show. I may force everyone to watch it with me tonight. Tonight, much as I would like to go see Lady Gaga perform at Sugarland, I think I'm going to stay in and be quiet. Well-behaved.

My favorite webzine East Vllage Boys has put up another installment of my writing. This time it's my story "Our Job Is To Quit", from the first issue of Scorcher. It has wonderful illustrations and I would like you to go look at it here.

I have a photo shoot early tomorrow morning for
Dan's new play. Then, there's a reading for BirdSong #3, I'll be reading from the very first issue of Scorcher, which came out in the summer of 2006. Please come:

Birdsong Reading
@ Stain Bar

766 Grand St. (@ Humboldt),
Brooklyn, FREE, 8 PM

Come celebrate the release of the new issue with readers Tatyana Kagamas, B. Kite, Katie Naoum, Roy Perez, Marcus M. Silverman, Geoff Trenchard, Lauren Wilkinson, Max Steele and Tommy Pico. L train to the Grand stop and walk one block west to Humbolt. StainBar is at the corner with the giant neon red "O" sign in the window. 12 minutes from Union Square. Be there! I am going to read a piece called "OUR JOB IS TO QUIT", from the first issue of my zine, Scorcher. It has been the single most effective / successful thing I've ever written and I've never "performed" it before. Please join me.

Then I'm hustling like a maniac to the Lower East Side, where I'm going to perform a real "set" with my band, Max Steele & the Party Ice.

@ the Cake Shop

152 Ludlow St. $8 11 PM

Bands: FREE BLOOD (mems. of !!!), MKNG FRNDZ (feat. Tami Hart) & MAX STEELE & THE PARTY ICE.Resident DJs Go-Karff, Sir Loins + A.Martini! Rock N Roll Gogo Boys! Free Booze, 11pm-12am! $5 Beer + Shot All Nite! $1 Beer 2-3am! I'm the resident go-go boy for Queers Beers and Rears (QxBxRx), but the fabulous hosts have asked me to play a set this time, opening for TAMI HART.

I feel just slightly 'off', like I'm just barely missing the mark. How to put it. There is a small but painful distance between what I am doing and what I want to be. I party just down the street from the parties I really want to go to. I have such trouble naming the thing I really want, telling the guy I like that i like him. I feel like such a brat. I can see what I want and it keeps elluding me. I need to get over the last hurdle. I was talking about this in therapy: I need to forgive myself. It's okay to want the things I want and to want them in the way I want them. I don't need to fault myself. I used to be so much more well-adjusted, a year ago. I was a much happier, much cooler person. I began an intense career of sabotaging myself and not letting myself have things I really wanted. I acted like I was sick and then (surprise) it started working. I won't get into it.

Suffice it to say: I'ma get my groove back.

I'm working on the new zine. I'm writing a story about working at a fashion party, fucking the guests. The guy from that night, he was insistent. He wanted me to smoke grass while he blew me. Talked about my body like I wasn't even there. The first line of the story is: "He says he can't believe he went home with a model. (I'm not really a model)." And I'm excited to share it with all of you.

Okay girls, let's get to work.

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