I have a real moral dilemma. Actually I have a couple. Well, I guess all moral dilemmas are the same moral dilemma. I guess it all comes down to karma. And: "How can I deal with other people's egos when I can't deal with mine?"
I am feeling a bit better after locating myself in the grid of my life. I thought I had fallen out for a second, that I had somehow grieved myself into oblivion. But no, I'm right here. Complaining and getting flexible. I'm ready to start doing more art work. Everything begins with notes, though. Documentation.
There's a real difficulty in finding a balance between fucking and writing. These two things depend on each other.
My horoscope said I might get mugged. Isn't that sweet. Things are kind of happening, to me. I don't know. I wish my life were different, but in really materialist ways. Like, I wish I was friends with X, Y, and Z. I could name them but they google themselves.
I think it's a completely fundamental part of queerness to see yourself as other. And to experience this otherness between yourself and the thing you desire. I always feel like there is this gang of cool older fags. The ones in real life I'm thinking of aren't even older. I'm in a gang too, I guess. I'm always in gangs.
Anyways. I'm gonna go work on art projects and get filmed.