11/13/08

morning

And I'll show you a TV that you can't turn off. There are no commercials it's one long music video with a laugh track and everything is in black and white. (I mean gray). Video of trains crashing in such slow motion that it goes on forever. Permanent glass shattering more. Oh y'know I'm easy you wouldn't even have to tape my eyes open tie me down to make me watch it I would LOVE for it to go down like that I would volunteer to go in front of television tubes like that. I want something I can plug into and just forget, honey.

There are too many colors here. There's too much noise here too many singers and too much news too many details. I'm counting fingernails on infants I'm counting boxes of nails. Let's clip one and hammer another. Yeah yeah I said I wanted wild I know I begged the jungle to be nice to me and I got eaten and I got sick and I won't stop so get me out of here get me to drier higher ground. I feel scales growing on me I smell smoke I see birds escaping we don't have to agree but I know that all things finite flammable and gorgeous are not worth fighting over. Say hi to me on the street. Check underneath me see if I'm leaking. Rotate. Burn. And all for some tiny compliment, some wrist. Look at where your hands are you think you're writing something you fucking creep look at your hands you're not doing anything ain't got no strings to hold me up. Thinks he's cute.

I'm half crazy (guess which half) with desperation for you, still, like a tidal wave inside a thimble it doesn't mean anything it means heavy hard small and it hurts. An imaginary gravity I'm being pulled but you can't see it right? Like I make it up right? Like I don't have to keep falling. I'm half crazy with desperation for some dumb old orbit the same every day since I was 15 or 16 or 17 the same green blue gray eyes it won't stop. Like my chest is full of overripe fruit I want to get firmer greener more alive but your amorous little mouth and your cool new boyfriend are proving me rotten. So go, so sick, so half with desperation and half without any nutrients I'm driving myself insane. I'm starving my brain to get the chemicals to flow backwards, I'll wind up with the mind of an infant screaming insatiable, colic sudden deaths you want to see me helpless want to watch me learn to grasp at the sad facts of the world I wobble on my feet like a newborn just like you want me to, do you like me when I drool?

1 comment:

NY L7 said...

this is really fantastic. ive read it 3 X !