A Basic Woman

Today is a test, and I'm passing (but it's hard).

Horoscope: "LETTING GO-- Today you may have to encounter and even oppose powerful pressures and forces exerted upon you, both from without and from within. The way you live and exert your energies will be tested today, perhaps forcing you to make radical changes in the areas of your life that you find are not working very well. The best way to use this influence is to let go of old patterns of behavior that today's events demonstrate to be invalid. Holding on to them will only make your life more difficult, and if you give them up, you will have room for the positive creative changes that can take place now. Also you may have to contend with the breakdown of machines or situations. Anything that tends not to function very smoothly will work very poorly today. It is time to straighten out the situation or fix up the mechanical problem."

Justin Bond was splendid last night, probably b/c she was born during Mercury Retrograde. It is really the Season of the Witch. I'll blog about her show later. Brought tears, but then again most things do if you give them permission to


Highlights include cheesecake and Prosecco and Matt Nasser and X-Men, on Saturday night, all in one. A panacea against myself for a few hours. I told someone recently, I forget who, about how much I love to read that Dusty Springfield biography, where she just cuts herself over and over again. Wishin' and Hopin' just won't do it.

"Uh, I had to leave my condo to come to this.
Well, I’m back, but this time I’m with my man.
And these women are puttin’ their hands all over his Yamamoto Kanzai sweater that I bought.
And I’m much, much unhappy about that.
I’d hate to come down to their level and become a BW--
A basic woman
But if they don’t stop it’s gonna get scandalous. "

This weekend I got chapped and I got burnt. Burnt girl.

Gosh, Sue P. Fox. Her records seems like she understands.
Thinking of THE TOWN IDIOT.
And thinking of Kicking Giant. La JJ in London is having a rough Mercury Retrograde, and now I am too. Thinking of the Kicking Giant love song, "She's Real". And she is.

My computer is breaking. Is broken, at work. That's the mechanical failure. The habits I'm letting go of are passivity. It seems counterintuitive, and maybe I am wrong. But I'm trying ACTION rather than having any idea thought or decision precipitated by weeks of pain. You won't do it just by wishin' and hopin'.

Look, I'm an easy target. It's so easy.


And I'm eating these chocolate chip pancakes and I'm choking on tears. Hello fifth grade. Hello Moon. It never makes its way up my List Of Things To Do: just run out of the diner in tears honey. Snowing sideways I wonder what I'll get up to tonight. I have to be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to go to a doctor to make sure that I don't get the cancer that my little brother is so afraid of. You know, everyone's treating me like I'm making it up. Not just the cancer but everything. I get all this shit from people for being an asshole, people treat me as if I'm a primadonna as if I love myself so much. It's not true. I'm my smallest fan ever, and then to get bullied about it is pretty fucked.

So action. So Laura again: "I've been sold by sailors, I've been worn by tailors, soldiers wound me, but you my captain are medication for my reputation."

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