Shirley Manson often says that her band Garbage makes poppier records music when they're depressed, and only really makes the sad music ("Only Happy When it Rains") when they're feeling good. I'm the same way. I'm pretty sad today so I wanna blog about James Franco.
I feel like he and I would be good boyfriends together, I'd like to start off with that. I'm sort of afraid to write this big long post because I think that it'll jinx it, or that if we end up going out (which, statistically, we might-- we have a lot in common) then he might see this post and it'll freak him out. But y'know what? In my fantasy, he doesn't care, it doesn't phase him, and we'll be so in love it won't matter. (I told Sister Pico that I was scared of posting this post for fear of blowing my chances with James Franco, and Pico said "Hold on lemme ask him" = GENIUS). I sort of feel like this is really happening. Or at least, the feeling is real. (That girl Billy? Her feelings are real).
After much ballyhoo, I finally saw that movie Pineapple Express last night. I saw all this stuff about how it was a stoner buddy movie, but I kept thinking it horrible some action shootout thing. So I was surprised and pleased to see that it was really kind of a romantic comedy. James Franco plays the woman, sort of. The stoner femme top switch pajama bottom headband romantic. He just wants to talk about his feelings. Do you see why this is resonating with me?
Ok. I think James Franco is probably not that much like his character in that movie, but I am. He's such a good actor. He's basically a man playing a woman, it's like drag. He's so talented. And if you think about it? It makes sense for me to go out with an actor. Not an actor in the sense of how I'm an actor (WHICH BTW I TOTALLY AM KTHNXBYE) but a real Hollywood actor. I think it makes sense for me to have a very busy, very famous boyfriend. This seems plain to me.
So I've heard things about him being gay. That horrible Gawker rumor that I won't even dignify by linking to (it wasn't about James Franco it was a blind item about another gay celebrity) at least made people realize that we all sort of think he's gay. He might not even be a total 100% fag, he might just be "cool" or whatever, you know? Like, he's so liberated that if you wanna box him into "gay" or "straight" it means you're the uptight one and you should chill out and listen to Grace Jones and let him give you a massage. Also, along the lines of him being gay (I won't even begin to get into rumours cause that's not fair and also I want this to happen), we know at least that James Franco is totally cool with watching gay orgies happen.
My new favorite band, The Younger Lovers, have a song on their record Newest Romantic called "Mr. Franco". The lyrics begin: 'My baby likes to get faded. / Talks shit until he passes out'. Brontez clearly has a crush on James Franco too, which (for me) makes it hotter. It's no secret that I'm obviously in love with Brontez. Part of my celebrity crush on James Franco is bound up in my celebrity crush on Brontez. Brontez recently got into an online scandal with the band Black Lips and wrote a beautiful scathing missive that was posted here. Brontez is really smart and right-on politically and just generally a really groovy guy and I wish we lived in the same city so I could ask him out on dates. Listening to Brontez lust after James Franco is part of what is such a turn on, seeing Brontez get turned on (hearing, rather). Here is a series of music videos for Brontez's band The Younger Lovers.
He's such a sexy dancer. I'm getting a little too excited. Let's get back to James Franco.
I read blogs pretty regularly, and usually blogs by people I know or whatever. My new favorite blog is PAPSYDAISY, by my friend Jess Paps. She's kind of a genius, and as I said she and I were born on the same day and year (August 7th-- with means our half birthday February 7th is coming up, you should get us things). I tend to think that Jess and I are sort of kindred spirits, psychically. We think a lot alike. She got into James Franco before I did (she made the image at the bottom of this blog post), and she also posted this really touching blog post, in which she juxtaposed two images from Interview Magazine, one of James Franco and one of Me. We were in different issues, though. I sort of took that as a sign from the universe that James Franco and I were meant to be together. Seems like that's as clear as these things get, yeah?
Also, James Franco is from Palo Alto, California. That's also where the Donnas are from, and I am not at all ashamed to say that I like the Donnas, and I like their rival arch nemesis band The Electrocutes a lot too. Okay, this is a fucked up thing to admit on my blog, but recently I slept with this guy from Palo Alto but I don't remember his name. I just know that, recently, I was in bed with someone and making jokes about the Donnas. Who was it? This is incriminating, I don't think James Franco will mind. Anyways, the guy I was with in bed (I just remembered who he was, and it was like a MONTH ago I have no memory at all, oops) HATED the Donnas but I think they're really great, and the fact that I like them and they have the same hometown as James Franco is, I think fortuitous.
I've been talking a lot to my friends about this, about how someday I'll probably be going out with James Franco, and I want my friends to just be cool about it, okay? No one is taking me seriously and that's fine, I guess. It's hard for people to deal with celebrity stuff-- I get that. Anyways, I feel like we will inevitably be together, even if he is straight, I feel like we can be boyfriends, right? Watching Pineapple Express last night was so sweet because I kept thinking "Oh! He is so cute! I can't believe my future boyfriend is so funny in this movie! When we actually meet and fall in love, I'll have to remember to tell him how much I am enjoying this movie right now." So in conclusion: I wish we could just go out already, y'know? I just wish he'd hurry up and get here.