Can You Hear Me?

I was thinking lately about anatomical drawings of hearts. I was thinking, I guess subconsciously, about the Heavens to Betsy record, Calculated. Another of my Favorite Things of All Time. There's that line at the end of the song, "Donating my body to Science" about it:
You want to diagram my heart. / Is it so that you will know how to take it apart? / You wanna know how I feel. / You could never just ask me.
I love that song. It's kind of adolescent and sweet and accidentally morbid, the way H2B always are. Were. I put that song on a mixtape for my first boyfriend when we were 15. You know how when you'd make a mix for someone, how sometimes you'd put on songs with secret messages? Like really pointed lyrics? This was like that. I wanted him to know that I knew that he was trying to do something awful to me. Then he totally loved the song and said he really identified with that line. He was an emo boy. I used to be into emo boys. Anyways it really pissed me off that he felt like the lyrics described him. I thought, 'Hey wait a minute, I'm the victim here. I'm the one in perpetual pain! You're doing this to me!'

But we were young, then. Now I know that in love, we can both be the victims. There can even be more than two victims in any one relationship. We can also both be victorious though. We can all do everything. Even if we like the same records.

So everyone: check out this really sweet interview with me on my friend Brandon's blog. He also gives a pretty sweet review of my new zine. I'm excited and nervous about the reading at Envoy Gallery. Again: June 6th, from 6-8pm. Yikes. Come!

It occurs to me, thinking about my last post on Isadora Wing and the discreet charm of anxiety-ridden nice jewish sex-positive pro-feminist canons that I am leaving the big one out. I sort of don't really like to talk a lot about Kathy Acker, I guess, because whenever I do then people always wanna school me in it. Whatever. Kathy Acker is probably my favorite writer, is a constant source of inspiration to me. And when I'm feeling down, or stuck, or crazy, or turned-on, I read her writings. I came across this really cool new documentary about her called WHO'S AFRAID OF KATHY ACKER?.

This sample is courtesy of Women Make Movies, the fabulous organization that made this movie. Please watch it and note that my birthday is this summer and I would really love a copy of the DVD.


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