Signs Indicators and the Future Story Kisses

I've decided to edit my last post because I'm not sure if it's okay to put online. I am still missing almost all of my tooth, and now I am told that I will need a bridge. I'm going to be 25 in two weeks. I feel pretty terrified. I'm in a little bit of pain, but I'm mostly worried because a) the temporary filling covering up the tooth that was accidentally broken out of my head came off and b) everyone seems to think I'm going to get an infection. I have been to another, non-student dentist, who has confirmed the diagnoses and even took it upon himself to prescribe me some antibiotics and painkillers.

I am very scared and I don't know what's going to happen. Or, I know what's going to happen I don't know when or how I'm going to pay for it. Just. Like. College. I really feel a lot like my 17 year old self, these days. Kind of a "fuck the haters" and "fuck the poseurs" world-view. Exclusion and inspiration.

At least, now, I'm not getting a dental implant, which would be pretty gruesome. First they'd take out the nub of a tooth that's left in my face. That'd have to heal (one month? two?). Then they'd need to put in a titanium screw and let that heal in my bone. That takes 6-8 months, during which time there would be a gigantic gap in my teeth and I couldn't chew at all. Plus: I'd get skinny. Negative: In order to implant the titanium into my jaw, they'd have to surgically move my sinus cavity by cutting open my face and doing a bone graft. So everyone has decided that due to mitigating circumstances that I should just do a bridge instead. Which I am perfectly fine with. I just need to decide who's gonna do it and who's gonna pay for it. And meanwhile everything is very scary.

So one amazing, strange, beautiful thing that has happened. I am performing with Joseph Keckler at the New Museum next Thursday, July 30th. It's very bittersweet because I wish JohnJoseph was doing this show instead, as had been originally slated. I feel heartbroken. I'm going to be performing my piece Lover, Ferocious. It is exciting, too. I am beyond nervous about doing this piece again. I think it'll be okay. I've sort of made my peace with the piece. I think it will flow well. I'm just practicing the words and timings again. I hope the tech stuff will be okay. It will be. So mote it.

In other news, I went to see Justin Bond's show at the Highline Ballroom on Wednesday. It was fucking awesome. Jeffery and Cole did a cute little intro. They're like, famous, now. I guess they were always famous. But now they're like really actually famous. Not just for Wednesday night's performance, but just in general. Tonight is a new episode of their show, and I'm in it! it's on Logo at 11pm EST. Or online if you don't get Logo.

On my way to the Highline I stopped to get a piece of pizza. I had to eat it really slowly, using only the left side of my mouth. I had to eat really deliberately and carefully. And I want to tell you, friends, that it was the best piece of pizza I've ever had in my whole fucking life. So in the midst of what will be months of physical pain and probably more debt, there was one nice meal I had.

One final nice thing. My friend Dan Fishback got me this for my birthday present (August 7th, bitches), but because I had had such a horrible day he gave it to me on Wednesday. AMAZING, no?:

Tonight we're going out to dinner to celebrate Bobo's month-long vacation in Korea. I'm gonna chew slowly and sideways. And I hope it'll be okay.

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