Happiness on the uptown side and my party in the morning time

Feeling sort of un-moored. Still working towards making the initial appointments, the first of about a dozen, to have my teeth fixed. The first step is to get what little bit is left of my poor tooth out of me. I was having some difficulty summoning up the nerve to call and ask, yes, to have an extraction. But then I got the nerve, and now no one's returning my calls. I've summoned my courage, Universe! Let me use it!

The slight lull of waiting for another pair of expensive shoes to drop. Another crisis and opportunity and outrage and another of sexy friend of a friend to meet. Another apology and another grudge to drop. Ever-expanding and constant testing, re-negotiating. It's all the same fuckin' day, man. A few really sweet and pretty positive couple of reviews of the show last week, complete with some anonymous commenter saying how lame I am for even trying to do what it is they think I do. Not worth even the acknowledgment I just gave it. Trying to not let things like that ruin anything, cause they don't, really.

In the midst of all this, the "stepping-up-to-the-plate" episode, I am turning 25 on Friday.

I have mixed feelings about this. In some ways, I feel really honored and grateful to be where I am in my life. I did just get to perform at the New Museum last week. Other than my teeth I am in good health. I've taken some risks in terms of getting my work out to the public sphere, and I've had some amazing feedback. For every anonymous internet hater, there's a handful of unknown queers who write to me saying they like my zine, or understand what I'm talking about. That means a lot to me, and I feel really blessed for that. Unbelievably, I have been on a nationally-shown sitcom for the last two months. The final episode of the first season airs tomorrow night, and I feature in it a fair amount. This is amazing. I am part of a really inspiring community of artists and writers and friends who always have my back when people come after me, and I am so excited to know the incredible people I know. Last week was really a humbling experience for me.

On the other hand, of course, I will have a gap in my teeth for the next three months and can absolutely look forward to a series of pretty painful dental surgeries. I still have an absolutely obscene amount of student loan debt (that's private loans too, natch). I still work at my (admittedly pretty cushy) day job which leaves some but not a lot of time to work on my own projects. I am still single. That's actually neither a bad thing, nor an accident. I haven't had time for boys. I might, again, soon.

On the upside, pretty good. Or at least okay, all around.
I am really excited because Friday I am celebrating my birthday with my favorite singer JESS PAPS. We have the same birthday and always mean to do a joint party, but this year we really are. If you're friends with us, get in touch and I'll give you the party info. Then on Saturday I'm go-go dancing at QxBxRx, which will also be fun. At least fun. At the very least: fun. The minimum for existence is pleasure. If you exist then you deserve it. If someone tells you otherwise (and they often will, if yr queer/female/trans/a person of color/poor/differently bodied) then they're lying. My big lesson in my 24th year of life is that there is an inexhaustible well of goodness and happiness and peace and it's for everyone, so get yourself some. What a hippie! But I really believe it, though.

On that note, here are some things I would like for my birthday:

(Scissor-themed jewelry)

(an iPhone-- unless they're outdated? Leave advice in the comments, but I am an AT&T customer for the time being...)

(a Comme des Garçons wallet, preferably in glossy black pictured below but any kind, really)

(a wizard bong, or failing that a unicorn, skull, mushroom or crystal bong)

(Dior Homme shoes-- a girl can dream)

(Oakley Frogskin sunglasses, to replace the pair I lost last weekend)

(my favorite candy Good & Plenty-- even though I can't really eat it)

(Treasurer cigarettes-- the most expensive fanciest cigarettes ever invented)

I also want for someone to help me arrange a cover of this song, "Blackpatch" by Laura Nyro. It's maybe my favorite song. I listen to it when I am feeling down. It's about life in the city and I find it encouraging though I can't tell you why. Maybe it's the final lyric, which always feels like it was written about me:


The other reason this song cheers me up, and why I want to cover it, is because the first lyric reminds me of La JohnJoseph, and I imagine singing the first line dedicated to him. Here is a pretty sweet cover of the song as performed by the Fifth Dimension.


PAPS said...

i really like the two reviews , i think they both articulate the success of yr performance but in totally cool and different ways. <3 you.

before cinema said...