So much of what we're engaged in is punctuation, is decorating. We are (mostly) Americans and we take colonialist approach to emotion: we think that in order to understand everything we encounter, that we must own it. We think that in order to learn from our feelings, that we must control them.
Maybe I'm being optimistic when I say that this is not an approach that it working. I would like to think that intellection is not predicated upon domination. I know, though (I guess) that every relationship probably is a relationship in which power and privilege are unequally distributed. But even so: I am trying to make it okay with myself that I feel like shit, again, for "basically no reason".
I mean, not "no reason" but not a good enough reason. I never think I have a good enough reason. They're all probably equally good reasons. I am just not trying to deconstruct what the feeling is and what it means about me. Cause it doesn't (or does not have to).