Throw a fistful of coins in the air and you'll see what I'm talking about: Gravity.
Deeper in, part of our own gravity is that our planet is polarized. Inside of the Earth is a magnet. We live in a magnetic field, and we just found out that there's one on Mercury, too. And what is inside of a magnet?

We're magnets too on the inside: we pull things towards us, repel things, too.
Don't act like you haven't noticed. How do you think we met? A lot of times, throughout ancient history, our ancestors have referred to this phenomenon as "Fate". Thanks to modern science and technology, we now know this practice is more random than once thought.

My point is: I want you to feel like what you deserve and what you get are not necessarily corollaries of a plan, let alone the same one. I want you to feel like you deserve to be happy, and understand how sorry I am when you're not.

It's difficult to communicate this to you. Maybe it's hard to hear.

[It feels like me and everyone I know are all working at a candy factory, getting fed up of cavities and sugar highs, lobbing fistfuls of melted licorice into each others faces. We waste sugar, our sweets end up on the bottom of our shoes and we don't even notice! Shouldn't we be saving it for someone who wants it? Instead, we use it as a weapon.]

It's difficult because I have to commit to saying this over and over again. To remembering that this is a continuous truth.


Moving through a magnetic field, we assume that everything will be settled, ions will act according to their charges and move towards and away from their respective goals and fears. Repulsion and attraction, any child can identify the two-- we're all made out of ions, deep down.

The dirt we walk on is indeed magnetized. They constitute the environment we live in, our magnetosphere. The background music. That bassline, that's been there all along. The song is on loop.

So my goal is to make you feel good. Encouraging. And it's not measured by results or connection or anything other than the practice of encouraging, attracting. Making a pass at the whole world (see previous entries / new life / art project). The thing is of course that it is a practice, the word for the seed of this idea in Buddhism is tonglen (look it up if you're curious) and it's probably more a function of selfishness than one would assume. It's also a function of forgiving, so that makes it okay.

My point is that because it is continuous and more about the word than about the speaker or than about the listener-- it's easy to get distracted. When they come at you and they want you to hold out your hand for so long, it's hard! It's a struggle to remain open and nice and supportive. It sounds like it should be easy: be nice. It's not always easy! As a matter of fact, it can be really fucking hard. Not when they are being passive-aggressive. When you try to be generous and then everyone wants to tell you why they're so wonderful, it is really difficult to remain open, giving, loving. You'll want to pull away. You'll feel attacked, and scared, and taken advantage of, and abused. They'll take your heart out of your body. You will feel destitute, in a hostile magnetic environment, with everyone moving toward the magnetic pole their ions seem to guide them to. Whizzing past your face and in your way. Your first thought will be to protect yourself, to pull away. Maybe even to fight. Your first impulse might not be to be supportive, sexy, encouraging, generous, affectionate, loving-kindness.

But then, maybe your second impulse will be.
Go with that one.

1 comment:

phasediffus said...

I'm happy to have read this. Was just what I needed in time. Esoteric can be good, when you feel detached from earth ;) Yes, giving love instead of protecting yourself from not loved ones is hard, sometimes. Best wishes to you