EVERYTHING IS WEIRD.
I think I feel this way (at least in part) because tomorrow afternoon I'm going to the dentist to begin my root canal. Once the root canal and crown are finished, then I can work on getting my implant. That process may or may not involve cutting my face open and rearranging bones to make a new place for the tooth to be implanted. I wish I were kidding or exaggerating. But this is a couple months off, even. Tomorrow I go for a filling (which is really a root canal, let's not bother with), then I am going out! I hope I feel okay. I've had a root canal before, but it was an emergency one and I was in such insane pain that I don't really remember how I felt afterward. So we'll see.
I'm just anxious. Today has a fever. Today smells like ozone. Today there is no tide.
Alright, I can't get myself too worked up, it's only 1pm.
Let's switch gears, lovers. I think the best way to deal with creeping paranoia, apocalyptic fear and bad vibes is to remain loving. That sounds corny and maybe it is, but it's going to help. And then, of course, even if it doesn't help then at least all you've been doing is exposing yr beating heart and there's not a nobler use of energy. So: win-win. Stay loose.
I'll be more specific. Being uncertain can be so scary, I know. Being scared is tortuous. Fear is so unpleasant. When we realize we're on unsteady footing we don't know what to do. But here's the thing: we're always uncertain even when we're in love and have an awesome job and perfect health and plenty of money. Things change. Not knowing is okay. And if you have to jump instead of walk, that's okay too, it's like flying, sort of.
Hey, let's try to look for something really wonderful and then let's decide that whatever we find is it. Let's set a trap for ourselves in which we set out to feel good and then catch ourselves doing it.
Check out this amazing picture I found by way of Jess Paps.
So what are we gonna do? I say: accept every aspect of every detail of everybody ever. I have decided today to be a warrior of loving the shit out of you. Even if you're mad at me. Maybe even ESPECIALLY if you're mad at me. God, I am so scared of the future and I know you are too. I know you've got a lot on your plate and you think that no one, even I, really gets you, or understands you, or likes you or something. Hey friend! We feel the same way.
It is so super easy to let paranoia bring us down. We can construct a narrative in which no one cares or no one cares enough. But that's lazy. Let's maybe get into the more complex project of proving that everything will, more or less, be okay. This is a hypothesis and you're the one I want to test it out on. If you can't relax then don''t. Don't force it and don't fight it. Just, you know. Feel it, or whatever.
Tomorrow after my root canal I'm going to go see my friends in this cool art show and you should come too!
at 303 Grand St, Brooklyn, NY 11211
Then on Saturday I'm Go-Go dancing at this awesome show at QxBxRx:
Age of Consent delves into the collective teenage psyche of the 1990's, remembered through obsessive attachment to pop culture, celebrities, and works of fiction. These visual artists, who emerged from that decade, employ mixed media to reanimate and re-appreciate this unadulterated state with today's eyes - the end result is the ability to be in two places at once; to be both there and here, then and now.
ART OPENING : Friday, Dec. 4th, 2009
Show Hours - Friday 1pm-6pm, Saturday 1pm-6pm
Age of Consent artists:
Isabelle Rancier - isabellerancier.com
Julia Norton - http://julia-p-n.blogspot.com
Daniel Cassaro - http://YoungJerks.com
Colin Matsui - www.colinmatsui.com/
Claire Lin - http://claireraelin.com
Kenton Powell - http://www.kentonpowell.com/
Drea Zlanabitnig - http://www.dreaz.net/
Ross Fredella - http://ROSSFREDELLA.com
I really like this song, it reminds me to chill out when things are hectic. Energetic and smart. And cool like Lætitia, here.