Do You Wanna Go?

Or, I mean, do you wanna come? Maybe I should say that instead.

Last night was the reading at Dixon Place. I was really nervous about it, and then relieved when it was over. I'm really glad so many wonderful people showed up. Thank you.

Today I'm getting my big implant surgery. At 2pm today they're gonna put a titanium screw in my face bones and I'm really trying not to think too much about it before then. Details TK.

I feel really unsettled. I don't know. It's okay not to know, right?
I think so.

It's so hard to just go with the flow, sometimes. Cause then you wonder if maybe you're sacrificing what it is you want to do. And then you have to do that thing of asking "Wait, what do you want, exactly? Who are you, anyway?" And of course there is no answer for that, not really. Not one you can give yourself. And then THAT'S really scary, for like a minute. But then it stops being scary and before you start to answer those questions, that moment? Hi I am living there for the time being.

So, you know. It's not bad. It's gonna hurt, today. The surgery, but that'll probably be okay, too.

So often there is the possibility for awkwardness and there is the possibility for coolness and sometimes it's the same thing. I'm really into this idea of feeling good, though. I'm starting to notice when I feel good, the way pregnant women notice other pregnant women and the way people with fake teeth notice other people with fake teeth. This must mean something.

Last night on my way to the theater I could have sworn that I passed Kiki Smith on the Bowery. Auspicious signs.


Anthony said...

what are the steel rods for?

Jawn said...

word @ fake teeth comment. or maybe AKSHOOLEE about finding OUT that your friends also have fake teeth.