Reading over the blog I get so embarrassed to be airing my dirty laundry in public. I feel like Alicia Moore aka Pink, when she was talking about listening to "Family Portrait" the first time. She said something to the effect of "Oh, no I can't do that. That's too personal, I can't be so vulnerable." I feel just like that, misusing the word "vulnerable" and everything.
There're these dual impulses to, like, SHARE THE FEELING, like make a list of everything that is bugging me today, along with the impulse to NOT DO THAT. Like, it'd be bratty to complain, like, I have no right to complain. Like, shut up, Billy. But then that's having the feeling about having the feeling. Who has the time for that?
And I realize that this is largely a function of my attitude. When I feel better about the world I can sort of deal with it better. And then I start guilt-tripping myself: why can't I just cheer up? Now it is time to put on the Lisa Germano records, man. I worry about how come I can never seem to see myself or my life-narrative in a positive light. I am always disappointed, in a fresh way, whenever I am confronted with myself. I wish I was better-equipped. But then I think about how much my family struggled to make me, and to make me happy. And how guilty they would feel if they knew I was sad. This is not helping, either.
I am sharing this on my blog cause I think it's important to talk about our feelings apart from a clinical way. I used to think it was really important to talk about psychotherapy until my friends started making fun of me for it so now let's just talk about feelings. I think it's good and important to do this. Cause a feeling is (sorry Yvonne) not a fact. And you can't argue with it. It's just there.
Some things that I can be excited or happy about, without having to worry.
There's a new Lady Kier record out. Finally. It's her cover of George Clinton's "Bulletproof" and it's OUT NOW ON DFA RECORDS. It's really great.
At some point this year, there's going to be a new Planningtorock record, called (as of this blog entry) Planet 9. I can't wait.
I am prone to hyperbole but I think that Janine Rostron might be my favorite singer in the whole wide world. I am more invested in her work than just about anyone else's. And I just can't wait.
I really want things to start looking up, man.