Loving You So

Well first of all, today is my dear friend La JohnJoseph's birthday. How wonderful! Happy Birthday! I miss and love him so.

By Lea Golda Holterman, Berlin, March 2010

Isn't he pretty?

Had a really fun weekend, of course. I feel like I had a little vacation, in the sense that now I'm really interested in getting back to work. I think of this because I have so much work to do! So much is going on! Yikes! I feel up to the challenge. I can do this! My only fear is that tomorrow at 9am I go back to get more surgery for my dental implant. I am scared. Maybe not scared, apprehensive. Fuck it: Scared. Think painless thoughts for me, people.

Friday night the homegirls and I went to the rad SPANK party, where we saw some really great bands play including Best Mate, who were truly fucking fantastic. Supergroups! There were really amazing light installations that looked like Jellyfish and DJ Nita played this really wonderful (and instrumental?) house-y remix of the Breeders' "Cannonball" which sounded pretty amazing. THEN, we snuck back up to Williamsburg where we caught the tail end of the Judy! party. Judy! is always a literally legendary time. There were slices of pizza in plastic baggies, taped to the walls, in case you got hungry. PLD and I indulged in some party pizza. BEST DECORATING TREND OF 2010 (thus far, anyway). THEN, we went to the Metropolitan for a minute to cruise the scene / drink blueberry vodka / talk about our feelings. THEN, we went to our Secret Cult Location in Williamsburg where we all fell asleep chitchatting. Woke up exxxtra early to get breakfast, then got ready to go see the Marina Abramovic show at MoMA.

And what can I say about Marina Abramovic's body of work? She is an icon, and she is just so great. I really love it when something becomes a sensation and the hype is totally real / fair / merited. I've ben thinking a lot, as I begin some new projects in earnest, about how to interact with people. How people respond as audiences, viewers, readers, etc. I think Marina Abramovic's work seems to be about this response, about the audience. I mean, it's about a lot of things. But I'm thinking in my life a lot lately about how we respond to each other. I've been totally tearing my hair out this in the past couple months. I think I had some real insights and I need to just follow my gut feeling, I guess. Generally good advice.

Anyways, on the Abramovic show, check out this amazing video of her speaking to my boyfriend James Franco:

"Marina," Klaus says, almost slyly, "you are a very theatrical performer".

After that on Saturday we all went to go see Little Victory play at this cool loft space by the Williamsburg Bridge. They were fucking awesome! I want them to put out a record, just so I'd have it. Little Victory totally give me hope for the future and also make me feel like I'm really lucky to be where and when I am in the Universe. They're probably the Next Big Exciting Queer Punk Band, and you should check them out. Super awesome show. Had a really great time. THE BAD NEWS IS: we drank a bunch of that awful Four Loco, DESPITE the fact that I TOTALLY KNEW that it was gross and always makes me (and everyone else who drinks it): a) violent and b) sick. So WHATEVER. I was violently ill (for like a minute) and passed out at one am. MISTAKE / MYTH-TAKE. Well maybe not actually cause in retrospect I totally got some rad sleep and woke up Sunday feeling super refreshed and amazing and I went to the gym and exercised for a really long time and felt pretty amazing.

Went to the Metrpolitan Memorial Day BBQ. First BBQ of the season and while I like the idea of the Metro's BBQ series, there's always a tinge of awkwardness seeing the same familiar faces but in daylight. And everyone glares at each other. No wonder so many boy writer / artists make work about this. It's like everyone has these really huge personalities / egos and sort of displays them. And for some people it's about claiming not to be doing this. Anyways it's sort of dizzying and I measured the afternoon as a success! because I didn't have a bad time. No negatives = positive. The default attitude is rad. That's the general M.O.

From Metro we went all the way uptown to Gerry Visco's house on the Upper East Side. If I could live anywhere in NYC I'd live in the Upper East Side. She was having a party to celebrate our friend Stevie who is in town from Berlin. Gerry and her friends are so much fun. I had a great time. The girls and I stopped to get some champagne to bring to the party and got sidetracked at the Duane Reade nail polish selection, where I got:


For some reason, I think having grey nails is really, like, professional. I'm so fucking professional. Gawd.

Visco's booze counter at the party.

We went BACK to the Metropolitan where we chitchatted with some other buddies, but the place was weird. In fact, I described the Metropolitan fairly astutely on Sunday night when I said: "This place is Dark and Weird". It is. I think (not to brag / just to brag) I was exactly right.

Yesterday I needed to fucking REST. And I needed to do some work. And I tried. I tried so fucking hard. And I got, like, NOTHING, done. I got a little done. I re-edited a story I wrote called "Out With Chainsaw" which is going to be part of a new project which is a secret until it's out. And I kind of brainstormed for this new essay I'm working on which is now passed due and really stressing me out and I guess I have to write it this evening though i know I probably won't. Yikes. Everything is a process and will be fine.

WHAT I REALLY NEEDED TO DO: was go hang out with my old friend Joanna, who just moved back to NYC for the summer. We are old college chums and I love her so. We hung out at this amazing Carroll Gardens apartment she's subletting and we watched Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Those times sure were fast.


Very sad, of course, about Israel's attack on the Gaza aid flotilla. And about Louise Bourgeois passing away.

SO let's all remember that telling it, saying it, is a big process and is never done. I think today and any day is a good time to remind yourself that it's okay not to know what is going to happen. Because ultimately you don't know what is going to happen. And that really is okay. Not just okay: it's the rule. And it makes a space to thrive in.

A little garden patch. For you!


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