FIRST THINGS FIRST: My new band B0DYH1GH is playing a semi-secret show this Friday night in NYC, a benefit for GEMS. RSVP and more info HERE.
Here's a picture of us performing last weekend at the Phoenix:
Photo by Zan from Little Victory.
Okay. So I've been reading Kristin Hersh's awesome memoir, Rat Girl. I have to say, it's been very affecting!
As you know, Kristin and I have the same birthday, the Birthday of Secrets, so I really feel a certain sympatico with her. But this book is so intense! Wow. So much I never knew. Ever. Really. A lot about demons and stuff. You should check it out, everybody. If you haven't yet.
But speaking of devils (by which I mean magickal beings and therefore also angels) I have seen an angel and I've seen him at the gym.
He's always on the stair machine. That's all he ever does, and he does it in tiny, fifteen second spurts. Like he has an injury or something. And he does this over and over again for almost an hour.
Let me start at the beginning. When I started working part-time, I started going to the gym sometimes in the afternoon. When I was at my old job I wouldn't be able to get to the gym to work out until like 7 or 7:30 and then I wouldn't get home until 9 it really sucked so I've been really into going with my newly free time. Anyway, the first or second time I went in the middle of the day, I saw this guy there. He was so cute. Or, not so cute at all actually. He looked kind of like me. Not that I think I'm cute or anything. But I felt like, I dunno. Weird.
And the first time I saw him I really thought he was checking me out. When he came in, the gym was almost totally empty. Me and an old lady. And he came in and he really sized me up. Like stared at my face really hard while I was using the elliptical machine (what a great name, huh?). It was awkward! Just... staring at me! But I don't think that is what he was doing. Cause Every time I've seen him since, he's almost ignored me. He never checks me out.
I see him a lot, we go to the gym similar times, even when I mix it up and go at different times. What I know about him is that he is attractive, he signifies the same kind of attractive qualities I do (tall white blonde boring Kristin Hersh refers to a certain kind of person as "dishwater blonde"). He is in much better shape than I am. Which is surprising cause I only ever see him on the stair machine, and even then doing it in tiny bursts like he has a pulled muscle. But he does it forever. Once I arrived in the gym and I saw his machine said he'd been on there for 20 minutes (which is btw the time limit for using machines in the cardio room, sir). And that day I did my lil routine workout of 50 minutes. Why am I telling you this? And this doppelganger doppelbanger was on the stair machine the whole time. For, like, ever. Weird, right? I've seen him outside, leaving the gym. he doesn't change clothes when he leaves, so this means that he lives near the gym, I guess. Near bedford avenuye.
So I've been thinking, since he's not cruising me, and I'm definitely not cruising him, why do I keep running into this weird guy? I think he is a possible future version of me sent to me from the Universe. I had this happen before, once. I think that this happens sometimes. The Angel On The Stairs is this cute guy with some kind of material success if he has a nice apartment. He manages to stay in excellent shape, though he only ever does one kind of (not very... toning... exercise plan). He checked me out once then turned up his nose. He recognized me as the past version of himself younger and he has no time for memories! But he also apparently has some kind of weird injury or something. Some scar tissue. He has overcome something. Haven't we all, sister. Yikes.
This afternoon on my way to the gym I saw I got the new issue of the New Yorker. It's weird I am kind of conflicted about having a subscription. I used to subscribe to Artforum, then Cabinet, then the New Yorker, and now I'm over it, I kinda wanna switch to Vogue. French Vogue preferably (obvi) but still. I guess I'm saying that the older I get, the more distance I put between myself and college, I'm getting stupider. Whatever. Still gotta pay these horrifying loans fuck. SO today when the Angel weird dude showed up, he had the new issue of the New Yorker too. Which means he is also a subscriber. We're supposed to get it before it hits newsstands but that never happens. It's kind of a rip-off in that one way only. And this guy knows about it. Man! We need to cancel our subscriptions. So after as I left the gym I saw the guy on the stairmaster get onto the treadmill I just vacated and I think my angel from the future version of myself is telling me that everything is going to be okay.
I know: a lot of people subscribe to the new yorker and go to the gym, and you're looking for confirmation of some weird hunch for a story that's not even that interesting even when you do decide to find confirmation of this theory. And to answer that I would say: yes. So?
Also not to be like: "I love to cruise dudes at the gym" or anything. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, but this is not what was happening. Also also not that I think "people who look like me" are also "cute" like I don't think I'm cute. I'm not my own type. I don't know if anyone is. I mean, everybody is to a greater or lesser extent. Everyone probably to the same extent. I'm going out with a really cute boy and he doesn't look at all like me but he kind of looks like this one really sexy comic book character. Different than me. In terms of "types" or whatever.
Hey speaking of queer sexy, here is the video for Long Hind Legs' song "Arranged for Viewing", which was made by Sadie Shaw:
Gawd. Right? This video is so homoerotic for some reason. I remember watching it on the Kill Rock STars compilation VHS tape on a date with my first boyfriend. I remember the Matthew Steinke stop-motion videos really freaked him out, but we both really loved the Peechees videos (kind of perfect for a gay date, CHris Applegren's dancing, no?). And this video is so gorgeous. Please watch it forever.
It's taken from Long Hind Legs' second album, Feb 4-14, 1998. Which has the most beautiful and inexplicably homoerotic cover art.
It might be the earring. Or the mouth?
I think maybe I'm just feeling amorous these days.
I can't help it.