My STOMACH HURTS. Ugh. Hot pit.
I didn't even get to post this thing yesterday. I started working on this yesterday but then got distracted. And so now here we are on Tuesday. My Least Favorite Day for this exact reason: all the shit that didn't hit the fan on Monday, hits the fan on Tuesday. I am not feeling very good. I feel unsettled and I don't know why. So maybe it's just this typical human nature thing of always thinking something is missing, or that any pleasure or happiness or satisfaction in life is fleeting and illusory. I don't mean to be negative, I'm just trying to connect my personal funky mood to, say, the "suffering" that Siddhārtha Gautama talked about (allegedly). Maybe I need to just let it go.
But: I am so irked! That's okay.
Deep breath. Let's move on.
Working on some art for Scorcher #6. Personal voodoos. I have a title for the next issue but it's a secret, for the time being. Working on some new stories, too. Sort of taking the training wheels off of the project. The first three issues of Scorcher (#1: Our Job Is To Quit, #2: Team, and #3: Je M'Aime) were all kind of about establishing a precedent, an experiment in mapping meaning onto setting. #4: Be Billy was about the illusory nature of Billy and being a fake person and about identity construction. I think everybody understood this. I hope so. The most recent issue, #5: I Love You, You Little Crocodile, is about romance. I should say, instead of romance, that it is about heartache. I started off writing those stories with the very clear idea to do something sweet and romantic, because a friend of mine had told me that my writing was too mean, that the "Billy character" had an "aimless disdain" for the boys in his stories. So I set out to prove my friend wrong. But then halfway through writing the stories I totally crushed out on this boy who did not feel the same way about me and it super bummed me out, so the whole zine has a teary blue pallor, which I like. The new issue, #6, is going to be a bit more about psychology. An erotics of perception. As a gentle reminder: you can buy back issues of Scorcher from Birdsong Micropress. I will also have copies of the new zine on me at the readings and events I have coming up. More on those things very soon.
Such a fun (of course) weekend obviously. Thursday PLD and I went to the space where Friday night's B0DYH1GH performance would be in the LES. We hung out with Gio after soundcheck and talked with them about UFOs and life on other planets. There's clearly a lot of ground to cover here. I definitely learned a thing or two. It's always nice to get some perspective. And also? That's the nice thing about perspective: it only ever increases. Like time, moving inexorably only in one direction ever. Forever.
Anyways fast forward to Friday night. Our show was so much fun! It was a really cool event. It felt a lot like San Francisco, performing as we did in a secret location. Here's a photo of the performance, taken by good old buddy old pal Naruki Kukita:
Was viciously hungover on Saturday, it totally sabotaged my day. I did buy some cute doc marten shoes at the Patrik Ervell sample sale for the low low price of $20. But that was about all I accomplished. I had one drink with some buddies at the house at night, and passed out at 1am. Such a baby! I passed out on my living room floor while Cole and Erin watched, asking what was wrong with me. I hadn't slept on Friday night. That's what was wrong with me.
Yesterday and Sunday I've been on the monk tip. My AstroBarry horoscope said to think about this image. Like, try to find quiet comfort and relaxation in unlikely places. I think it's working.
Gosh. I mean. There's kind of a lot of things I'd like to talk about, but I think sort of just notching time and space for right now will have to suffice. Things are so strange and always have been and always will be. Trying to stay comfortable. Feeling Up. Good. Relaxing. I hope.