Really Rad

a) "I'd like to get my hands on that game!"

b) I have this game. If anybody wants to come over and play it. Just saying.

Anxious Confidence and Nervous Hope

A little distracted, or something. Unbearably unproductive, for some reason. I go to work today for the afternoon shift. I wanted to go to the gym this morning, go grocery shopping, do laundry and all sorts of other things, but I'm not. I'm sitting on my bed in sweatpants and it's 10:45 am and I am on my second cup of coffee.

Last night our toilet broke, in this weird way. The basin shattered, but not the bowl. So I am waiting for our building's super to get in touch with the plumber to have him come fix our toilet. It still works, it's just the thing of like, you go to the bathroom THEN pour a pail of water into the bowl and it all goes down. Maybe this is TMI or whatever but I'm pointing it out because it actually reminded me in a really visceral way that we waste SO MUCH water in these American toilets of ours. Seriously. It's a totally deluded concept to piss and shit into your water supply needlessly, when there are so many other and better ways to deal with those issues. Who am I kidding? I am a water hog like anyone else, I guess. But growing up in southern California, we were acutely aware that water was precious and we had the occasional drought, so I dunno. It's in the back of my mind. Maybe once we get the new toilet (hopefully soon) my apt mates and I can adopt a "Yellow is mellow" policy at home. Maybe THAT is TMI. Mellow is Yellow? Where are we, San Francisco? I feel like that bathroom policy is so SF. That, and tying carpet strips into yr hair. I don't know why I always bring that up. Maybe I am always thinking of Heather Ciriza. SPEAKING OF HER, here is a video of her old band MAN HATERRR performing. They are super duper inspirational. And hey who's that musical genius at the keyboards? That is my original homegirl Cotton. Hi there!

I kind of totally feel the way Heather is sounding in this video right now, guys. I feel totally San Francisco. I called my super two hours ago! OK I texted him. He txted back that he would let me know. But HE KNOWS I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TODAY. Ugh. I just want a new toilet. And I just want... I don't even know what.
I think maybe I'm just hungry or something. Everything is tied to the body, I guess. I'm just getting antsy because there are a MILLION things I would rather be doing this morning and if the toilet doesn't even come then I'm going to feel like a wasted a really beautiful day and that would SUCK. BUT ANYWAY.

I feel better. I ate some cereal. The photo above is from Tuesday night, just after the reading I did with Brontez and Joseph Whitt at PPOW Gallery. It was so fantastic. Really an amazing time, and I feel super happy about it. Anyways I'm gonna see Brontez' band the Younger Lovers play tomorrow night, with one of my absolute favorite bands Little Victory, at the Cake Shop.



It's Monday night, and I'm sitting on the floor of my bedroom, stapling back issues of my zine to sell at the reading I'm doing tomorrow night, which I hope you can come to, more info here:

And as I'm stapling I'm listening to Huggy Bear's Taking the Rough with the Smooch which I found at the record store for $8 on 10" in perfect pristine condition. I feel like God put it there for me to find, to inspire me. It's totally still making me feel amazing, as it has for like, I dunno. Thirteen years, at least. Since I was 13. I've spent half my life listening to this album. It's not even an album, obviously, it's a collection of their Wiija singles (minus, inexplicably, Rubbing Thee Impossible To Burst which is just as good as anything else they ever released and probably my favorite 7"). It's amazing and perfect and full of wisdom.

"We shall name it as that which is bewitchment or enchantment and is insobule, or obsession that is flameproof"

It's long out of print, but is available over at my favorite blog SOUL PONIES. And it's really inspiring. Tomorrow is going to be really great. I'm super nervous! Oh well. See you soon.


Strange Love

Thinking recently and very recently about the Truffle French Fries kind of thing. I dunno. I've just been reflecting, lately. Reading back over the older (and oldest) of these blog entries, and I looked over that article about me again a couple times recently, and I feel really... I don't know. I don't think I really ever did anything so despicable. I may be totally fake, but:
a) who's to say, really?
b) it sure is a lot more fun than being a hater, and
c) as it turns out, fakeness doesn't exist, everything is equally real / fake.
Just thinking about these things. It's lately been in the forefront of my mind, I dunno why.

So I'm really excited about the reading, next Tuesday, at PPOW Gallery at 8PM. I'm going to read a new story, which is a very late sort of response and sort of journalistic essay about that article (and it is also about everything else). And the piece is going to be the first story, a more traditional zine intro, from the new issue of Scorcher. And the title of the story and the issue is WHITECHOCOLATESPACEEGG.



I came home last night in an amorous fog, having just gotten back from my amazing boyfriend's house, to hear the news: Ari Up from the Slits passed away yesterday, at the age of 48, from a serious but yet unnamed illness.

Also yesterday, weirdly, I was on the train, running late to go to this show and I randomly decided to listen to the Slits bootleg album. Not, strictly speaking, my favorite of theirs. But for some reason I really felt it. I don't know why, maybe it was the Universe. I was on the train, listening to Ari talk in between songs, thinking about how unique and amazing her voice is. How singular. AND ALSO about the fact that she was a teenager when she started the band. You can get some info on Ari's biography in this interview.

Last night I ran into my long-lost buddy, the genius artist Isabelle. I was introducing her to my BF and I said that she and I had gone to school together, which is true, but really we know each other because we moved to NYC together, in the summer of 2005. I was living in the living room of my current apartment, and Isabelle had a place in the East Village. And we were both underage. The only bar that we went to with any regularity was Opaline, for their Panty Party night, since they'd let you in if you were over 18 but you just couldn't drink. This means we'd have to get someone with an ID to buy us booze before we went out for the night, or we'd steal drinks form the bar. I remember the first or second time we went to this nightclub, feeling very collegiate and shy, and dressed in some incredibly stupid outfit involving leggings and underpants over them. Isabelle and I were trying to make this NYC thing happen and feeling very green. But then Michael T. played the Slits' cover of "I Heard It Through The Grapevine" and Isabelle and I would run the dance floor and FREAK OUT. We LOVED that song. The Slits were, for me, a Universal Language, home turf.

In my demented fantasy, everybody knows all the words to all of the songs from Cut. The Slits are probably my favorite punk band ever (maybe the Raincoats but it's really different and weird). They're the only really punk band I ever got into. Everything else, Black Flag, the Misfits, the Germs, all came afterward. That was hardcore. The Slits were pioneers. Their legacy is absolutely a feminist one (like Sonic Youth's?) and I guess I take it for granted that everyone loves them. Last year, I got a chance to meet Viv Albertine, which was literally a life-changing event for me. She was very sweet and hilarious and super duper smart and really cool about the fact that the last 40 years of culture have been steadily ripping off what she and the Slits did in the 70s.

The Slits were not just a band who made a few good records. They were a watershed for a lot of us, even generations removed. The message was not that you should (or even ever could) try to look or sound like them. Nobody sounds like Ari Up, nobody plays guitar (before or since) like Viv Albertine. The message was that they were finding their own vitally new vocabulary, and it was a scintillating reminder that that was still possible, even in a society and culture which devalues you. That it was completely necessary to find new ways of expressing something. And Ari Up, for me (and many others) was the voice of that idea in a lot of ways. And I am so sad she's gone. I hope that everyone uses this moment to get really into the Slits, and if anyone wants to talk about them with me, please let's do.


Everything, in the current moment, hinges on the fact that I want to tell you about the following: I caught myself in the bathroom mirror at the office. It's definitely autumn now and it's cold, even here ten floors up. And I am looking at my new haircut in the men's room mirror and I can't stop noticing that my tiny little nipples (pert) are hard, underneath the old washed maroon polyester of my vintage lacoste polo shirt. And you should know that. Even still there will be arching backs and huge unchartable distances so you'll have to take my word for it.

When getting freaked out we have to retreat to the empirical. To the body, I guess. When (you know) broke.



I mean, gosh. Thanks Everybody, for everything. I mean it. I feel real lucky and happy to be living in the present time/moment and location.

I feel like I am slipping into this thing of only using the blog as like documentation of parties I went to or whatever. Maybe that's okay. It's going to be winter in a minute and I feel like I'll get into my creepy winter hibernation mode and then probably blog more and that'll be fine. That all being said. I had a fucking awesome and intense weekend.

Wednesday night I went to the opening of Rob Roth's show at Wild Project, which will be up in NYC until the 30th and is way rad and worth a visit. It was great. I had a wonderful time but I creppt out kind of early to go home to watch myself on the internet interview with George Spencer on Poetry Thin Air. Which was really nice. Sort of made me feel weird though so to feel less weird I stapled a bunch of zines. So I mostly listened to the interview. I am happy / flattered that some of my friends got to see it. Okay.

Thursday I read at the New Museum with Dennis Cooper. Which was just fantastic. Mark Doten and Robert Smith also read and I think everybody did a really great job. I was so nervous about it, for some reason! I totally psyched myself out! Anyways it ended up being really good. A super fun night. I had never seen Mr. Cooper read before. It has been a long time since I first read his work, when I was a sophomore in high school and working part-time as a library aide. My experience of that job meant a lot of hiding in the racks, pretending to be "shelving". Often I was going through old Sears Roebuck catalogs for illustrations which I'd photocopy and use in fanzines (I wrote one called Zombie and I used a lot of drawings of scissors) and I read a lot. All the time, there. And I felt like I had to sort of furtively hide copies of Dennis Cooper's books: Try, Frisk, Period around in my locker or at home. I didn't want anyone to see them. I felt like I would get in trouble or something. But I also really liked it. I don't know. His reading was just great. I am flabbergasted.

Friday night I go-go danced at HEY QUEEN! one of my favorite dance parties in NYC. I didn't even really get drunk at all. I had three drinks, but over the course of the night. And I got a LOT of exercise, dancing onstage. I don't know why I danced for as long or as enthusiastically as I did. I guess I was in a good mood. I am still very sore, in places where I didn't even know I could be sore. Like, I overworked the muscles in the small of my back. What? How is that even POSSIBLE? I guess I'm glad, though, cause I'd like it if I got totally fipped in the small of my back. Weird! Here's a rad photo of the ever-amazing Jennifer Gross (of the band the Gentle Laxatives) dancing at Hey Queen!:

I go-go danced along with Glenn Marla, which was a real treat. Glenn is, of course, a NYC legend of flamboyant genius and beauty. And was introduced to me, I believe, by La JohnJoseph, so many years ago. La JJ assembled a troupe of back-up dancers because he was performing at a Cockettes reunion show in NYC (which he also booked and hosted btw) and the backup dancers were known as THE FUTURE LEGENDARY CHILDREN DANCE SQUAD. The group was Erin Markey, Me, Darlinda Just Darlinda, and Glenn Marla. And La JJ sand lead.

Photo by MONDO LUCIEN. More photos of this legendary show here.
So anyways I love Glenn a lot and it was fun to hang out with him at the party. Amy Agony, who throws this amazing shindig (along with the lovely and talented Sarah Jenny) wrote the very popular and eerily accurate GUIDE TO SEDUCING AN ARIES. Super fun crowd.

Woke up Saturday in a very good and refreshed mood. Perfect Little Daniel and I had sound check for our show that night at SPANK LIVE. Our band B0DYH1GH has been a very exciting new project for me. Really different from other things I'm doing. Though more or less founded on the same guiding principles. Anyway we went down to the venue with our equipment and soundchecked. And Dale at LittleField, who was doing the sound, was really fucking rad. I can't tell you how many shows I've played in NYC (and elsewhere) with soundguys who are total fucking jerks, who don't take you seriously if yr not a rock star with a huge fucking band, or who are latently homophobic and rude, etc. Dale was really sweet and actually did a really amazing job of making us sound good. I think we sounded better than we ever have before.

SO the show that night was also really great.
BUT I'M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF. PLD and I soundchecked and decided that we would try not performing on the floor itself, but standing (me) and on a stool (him). We decided that this called for new costume outfits which meant skirts. We went straight from the venue to NYC to get skirts. First we stopped in Chinatown to get some rad Chinese pastries at Dragon Land Bakery. MINOR BUMMER: i got a Pineapple Bun but when I ate it there was no Pineapple in it. It was just a plain bun. UGH. PLUS SIDE: I also got an especially delicious black bean paste bun. PLD got some CRAAAZY stuff that grossed me out (sorry). He seemed to like it. How did we get here? We went to a million Halloween stores looking for inspiration, then eventually went to this vintage store on 1st avenue, and bought some really beautiful dresses.

We got to the venue to the show, and ran into good buddy lover Lady Rimalower. Hung out, getting ready. Saw Thee Legendary Lady Miss Kier and Rainblo, cutting some very on-point looks shapes attitudes and moods. PLD and I eventually went to go do our set. First of all, the show was a star-studded affair and featured The Dazzle Dancers, Dalyptstixx and Milan, SICK CELL (which is Angelo from Street Hero and Best Mate's solo band) and Gio Black Peter and Dangerkat and Milan and DaLipstyxx and Perfidia and Farrad and DJ Victor Rodriguez, and Scooter LaForge. And it was hosted by my favorite New York City Drag Queen (Maybe Best Drag Queen Ever / Who I Think Ought To Run For Public Office): Linda Simpson. Obviously you know, of course, about her legendary Queer Zine, MY COMRADE, right?

Anyway the show was fantastic and I think PLD and I really did a good job of our songs. Here's a video of us performing the song "H0LY D1G1T". It was filmed by Earl Dax (thank you!):

SUCH AN AMAZING SHOW! Big thank you to Sean B. and Will and Jason from Spank. I feel truly honored to be involved.

SO listen. I had too much to drink at the show, as well. Oops. Casualty of glamour. My sexy boyfriend and Lady Rim and I barrelled into a taxicab back to williamsburg. A rully fun epick night. Epick. In so many ways. Apparently there was a Very Famous Fashion Editor at the show, one who works at the World's Most Famous Fashion Magazine, Ever. And so I think this means big things because how could you not love me and PLD's outfits? I haven't heard from the Magazine yet but I assume that they're trying to finalize the budget for our shoot. Or maybe they e-mailed PLD. We'll see. Expect things.

Sunday was rough. I'm not gonna lie. A highlight was eating a bagel with lover, on the sidewalk. Romance + carbs = yes. Right? Right. I rallied, however, in order to go to Envoy Enterprises for a really amazing show with COCKETTE RUMI. Who is, of course, a living legend and inspiration. The Cockettes were legendary, their influence was really crazy and I am so glad that Rumi came back to town and asked me to be a part of this really amazing evening. Highlights included really rad performance by dear hearts Max Vernon and Nicholas Gorham. Those boys! Ugh. Gagging. So genius. And Rumi's performances, of course, doy. As well as a screening of the Mirror Mirror video for "Interiors" which I had never seen, but which was very cute. I sang a song on the ukulele. Kind of old times sake. Then I came home. And I passed the fuck out.

And I'm still tired!

But seriously. This was a really great week. And there are some more really exciting things coming up very soon. And also, then, soon, I hope, some periods of maybe less excitement. Who am I kidding? Maybe not. I like all this activity but it is a bit yeah. I dunno.

Feeling good.



Like I said, I spent the weekend up in the Catskills with my best friend Bobo and her mom at their soon-to-be-renamed chateau, Wildcat Ranch.

We visited our friend the famous living artist Robin Winters and went with him to a really rad art show his and our friend Hillary set up. She has a really rad blog and you should check it out. It was a very nice afternoon visit. The art show was really cool and as soon as I find the business card and website of the curator I'll tell you more about it oops. And upstate was so magickal. And the trees were gorgeous. I got to see the Milky Way for what feels like the first time. I must have seen it before, but I was really awed. It's like, a big white cloud in the night sky. It was beautiful. Also beautiful was the art at Wildcat Ranch which came with the house, apparently and which I really love:

(Coat rack.)

In LIVING ANIMAL news, on our way to visit Robin, Bobo and I had to drive a difficult mountain path to get there. My job (since I can't drive, hello) was to be the navigator. I am unhappy to report that I nearly got us lost at every available opportunity. What can I say? I belong in the back seat. Like a child. ANYWAY LIVING ANIMALS: We were driving and we had to pull over because a PORCUPINE WAS CROSSING THE STREET! It was obviously ADORABLE. I tried to talk to it but it was kind of mean and we drove away.

Anyway. Great trip. I was super needing to recharge. Now I am back in action. Feeling maybe a little overwhelmed but mostly excited. Especially about THIS WEEK, people. I'm reading at the New Museum on Thursday and have been really agonizing over what to read. But I figured it out. So I feel like a big weight has been taken off. I can stop worrying. Okay.

ps I guess I decided that L'AIR DU COCHON is my new thing / motto / idea which is basically whether or not someone is joking, and you can't tell. And so I would posit that maybe it's not the thing with l'air as they say du cochon. Maybe it's not even about the person/viewer/audience and their ability to decide whether or not they think it's a joke or not. It's not even about that judgment, per se. It's about using that nerve to ask questions about ourselves and therefore also each other. Whatever.

So, finally. Venus is Retrograde in Scorpio.
I'm not too worried. I just can't be, I guess. I am really present, or whatever, and I feel really good. But I'm not gonna worry. I feel pretty excited. This definitely affected my worrying about what to read on Thursday but I've made my peace with my decision and discovered a lot of exciting new things on the way. I dunno. Venus. Hmm. In the romance department I must say I am really pretty good and am seeing a boyfriend who I like a lot. I dunno.

right. so moving on: I am going to be on a TV show tomorrow called Thin Air Poetry. I'll be reading some of my writing and conducting an interview with George Spencer. I'm really proud of this thing and I think it might be cute to watch. The thing is it's on Channel 67 in Manhattan, or online. BUT you can only watch it when it's broadcast live online, unfortunately, at 8:30pm EST. So here is the info for that.

Wednesday night at 8:30 p.m. on Channel 67 (MNN/Manhattan
Neighborhood Network). Note: if you live outside Manhattan or can't
get MNN Ch 67, you can get the live internet stream of the show by
following the instructions below. (You can only watch the streaming
video in real time, i.e. at 8:30pm Wednesday night.)
PC & MAC USERS (4 simple steps)...
1. Click on http://www.mnn.org/en/viewers/watchmnn
2. Viewing the right column of the MNN webpage, go to "MNN4 Culture"
3. Click "Watch MNN4 Live"
4. Click small icon to watch full screen on your computer during live broadcast.

ok now finally check out this cute t-shirt I got in the mail today:



Breezey Busy

This morning, and yesterday, and Tuesday, I've been getting these Taro Buns from this Chinese bakery near my office. I sort of thought that there was no good food near me, but in fact there is a lot of good food near the office, it's just hidden.

SO OBSESSED. It's definitely not healthy. I am, gosh, so sleepy! Last night I hung out with Erin Markey, the Irish Horse, the BF and PLD on our friend Travis' amazing roof in the East Village, drinking wine and talking. It was kind of the most perfect thing ever. A wonderful start to the weekend. This weekend is sort of a vacation, but comes BEFORE next week, when I will have to do a lot of work. I have performance or events or something on the 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th and 17th (See Below). VERY SCARY. But also exciting. So I am taking my dessert, my vacation, beforehand. Super pumped, though. About all of this.

And this weekend, I'm headed upstate to the Catskills with my BFF Bobo (go to her website and order her beautiful custom-made marshmallow pins) to visit her chateau in the mountains. When her family took over the estate, it had a wonderful sign on the front door of the castle, hand-carved, all folksy and craftsy and so quaint. The sign reads WILDCAT RANCH. Which is obviously what I prefer to call the house. SO: I'm going to WILDCAT RANCH this weekend. I'm told, however, that the Matriarch of Bobo's family is none too pleased with the name and would like to change it. AND that she is hosting an informal contest to re-name the property. I am determined to win this contest and I am determined to win this contest with one of the following names (please don't steal my ideas):


Just brainstorming, you know. I'll keep you posted on how this name thing turns out. While we're upstate we're going to visit our old art professor and personal guru Robin Winters. He has a beautiful secret mountain lair a few hours from WILDCAT RANCH and we're going to go bug him. I am going to seek his counsel on some art-related matters. He is a living artist and is so cool. An interview with Robin from BOMB magazine is here, check it out.





Where we're coming into from

How did I ever get so far behind on my own life, blog, whatever?
Listen. It's not because I don't care or have moved onto something more exciting. There's nothing more exciting. Having lunch with my friend Susan this afternoon. So excited that she is in town. Don't you know her?

Here are some upcoming events I'm going to be at, a little bit of an explanation why I'm so frazzled. Maybe I'll see you there? Or right back here, in this space, in a few minutes / hours.

10/14 DENNIS & THE BOYS @ The New Museum: http://bit.ly/bXHj8v
10/15 HEY KING @ Public Assembly: http://on.fb.me/bEbNOT
10/16 B0DYH1GH @ SPANK Live: http://bit.ly/bC6n9m
10/17 w/ RUMI from the COCKETTES @ Envoy Enterprises: http://on.fb.me/asK3cA

But FIRST on WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 13TH I am going to be on Manhattan Cable Access on George Spencer's TV show "Thin Air Poetry" speaking about my writing and promoting the event at the New Museum. I am really amazed and thrilled at the interview, and you can watch the episode even out of NYC. Here is the info on that:

** Wed. October 13th 8:30pm
PoetryThinAir featuring Max Steele
Max Steele and his wonderfully awesome poetry
every Wednesday night at 8:30 p.m. on Channel 67 (MNN/Manhattan
Neighborhood Network). Note: if you live outside Manhattan or can't
get MNN Ch 67, you can get the live internet stream of the show by
following the instructions below. (You can only watch the streaming
video in real time, i.e. at 8:30pm Wednesday night.)
PC & MAC USERS (4 simple steps)...
1. Click on http://www.mnn.org/en/viewers/watchmnn
2. Viewing the right column of the MNN webpage, go to "MNN4 Culture"
3. Click "Watch MNN4 Live"
4. Click small icon to watch full screen on your computer during live broadcast.