I dunno you guys. I've been taking this tactic to an extreme. "This tactic" is what I might refer to as "the Ostrich technique". A.k.a. DENIAL. I have this fleeting idea, when I am first waking up or just about to fall asleep, or at various difficult times throughout the day, and the idea is that if I don't talk about something I won't have to think about it. There are many theories linking thought to language. I'm sort of paying lipservice to them. I know it's not really working. So I've been not updating my blog a lot, because I wanted to skip over what I am thinking of as a shadowy, unpleasant patch. But I think we can talk about it now. For the last six months I have been totally in love, for basically the first time ever. And it's been amazing. But the relationship has, sadly, ended. I don't know what else to say on that score, other than I am sad that it's over, but think it's for the best. And that my life has totally changed as a result of it.

I sort of thought of Love as being not unlike Pilates. Some people swear by it. They treat it like a religion, like a cult. They insist that it has improved their CORE STRENGTH and totally altered the trajectory of their lives. I feel like: okay. That's cool if that works for you. But up until very recently, I had never tried Pilates, and never felt any desire to do so. I didn't doubt it's efficacy, but it just did not figure in my life at all. That is how I have felt, historically, about love.

So, although I am definitely sad about the relationship ending, I will say that I am pretty excited and happy to have at least tried Pilates. To continue this awkward, sort of gross metaphor, I would say that I went to classes, and discovered my own CORE STRENGTH, and can vouch for the effectiveness. I'm convinced. You got me. Everything is different now. That's probably all I want to say about this, for right now.

But also, everything is the same! I am totally approaching my Same Old Problems with a new skill-set. And the new skill-set is this: love is real.

I want to change the subject. It's so hard to look away! Like a car wreck. MY LIFE: A Car Wreck.

I keep talking about all the projects I want to do and I feel like I never do anything. I am constantly trying to convince someone (the handful of people who read this blog? myself? my friends? the kids around town who hate me for whatever reason?) that I Am Real. That I Really Do Stuff. On one hand, I feel like this is the message of encouragement. On the other hand, I feel like talking about something is sort of an acceptable substitute for doing something. What if the thing you are talking about is Love? What if it's feeling good about yourself? I mean, what if the project, the goal you're actually trying to achieve, is all in your head? Do you see why I never get anything done?

That's a fib, I get a lot done. I've just been so distracted by meanies out there. But not anymore! Not, I mean, as much, anymore.

Lookout world! PS isn't that Frumpies video so cute? Aren't Carlos and Chrisser from the PeeChees so sexy? Don't you just want to do whatever Tobi Vail tells you to do?


Yeast Confections said...

didja know? good things...


maggie in america said...

Nothing clever to say, except that the Pilates analogy is so great and funny and wise.