1/18/12

Purpose

Well.



My friend Robin is still in the hospital and he is recovering. I had a chance to meet his parents and visit him yesterday, which was very heartening. Out of respect for the privacy of all concerned I don't want to get too deep into it, other than to say that I love him very much and am looking forward to his recovery. It's too soon to have a real sense of what shape this will be, but I am staying optimistic, and so are his friends and family.

As you may know, there was a fire at Robin's apartment last Monday, and his two room mates Monica and Darrelle lost everything, including two puppies, in the fire. They are very sweet people, and it's absolutely horrifying what has happened.

If you are in NYC, there will be a benefit for the three of them tonight at Heather's bar. Info is HERE.

If you do not live in New York and want to help out Robin and his room mates, you can donate to them directly through their FUNDLY page.

I do feel very much like nothing else in my life or that I could blog about is as important. I feel really sad and scared and impatient. Hopefully the good news will continue. I don't know what's really feasible to update here in a public context, but just know that this is what I am thinking about all the time.

The last week has been really awful, you guys. This accident made me so instantly sad. I tried to reach out to an old friend of mine, with whom I had lost touch. (I will call him S). S had survived a trauma similar to the one my friend is recovering from, except S had done so in an attempt to kill himself. I found out about this long after the fact, when he was almost entirely recovered. He had made a really miraculous recovery, and I wanted to reach out to him for some advice, encouragement and support last week, because my friend is now going through the thick of it. As I said S and I had not been in touch for a while, since last September, when he was moving from outpatient care in New York to the midwest where he would continue his recovery. The last time we spoke, he said that he wanted me to know that he thought I was really cool, but maybe a little selfish. That is okay with me. I tried to contact him last week, and found out that unfortunately, shortly after moving out of town to continue getting better, he was unable to overcome his demons and succeeded in ending his own life. Which is pretty horrible.

And I am angry. In a very general sense, toward the world at large, right now. When I was 21 years old and home on Christmas break, I got a pretty bad flu, and then it turned really bad when I developed a bleeding ulcer (thanks to ibuprofen for the fever). I finally went to the hospital, and from laying on my back for so long, I also developed pneumonia. I recovered, I graduated on time, and I laugh about it now. But it was really depressing. I remember feeling really let down by the world. Like I'm being a baby. Like: it's not supposed to go like this. Just because it is possible that everything can disappear one day, just because it's technically within the real of things that can and do happen, doesn't mean it should. You shouldn't just get sick and never get better again. You shouldn't just disappear. It shook my faith in a lot of things. And I got it back.

And it's being tested again this week.

This may sound corny, but I have also been returning to the monologue in this video, too. Before she had a talk show, or a sit-com, or anything, Ellen Degeneres was a stand-up comic. But before she was a stand-up comic, she wrote one first monologue, which is in this video, below. Her girlfriend had died very suddenly in a car wreck, and Ellen actually drove past the accident on her way home one night, not realizing who it was, only later learning that it had been her girlfriend. The random, horrible, sudden interruption in her life had been the inspiration for her writing this monologue.



I don't know. I always thought this was a sweet monologue, and not a lot of people know the story behind it.

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