I was originally going to make this into a little video where I talk to the camera, but I realize that my internet sucks right now and I can't really upload a video. Even doing this blog entry will be a miracle.
Anyway I feel a million times better than I did when I posted earlier and it's because, when I went to the gym, they were giving out 5-Hour Energy samples.
I got two!
Okay, I know and love the Berry Flavor, doy. The Pomegranate thing is new to me. Why does everything have to be Pomegranate? It's a little played-out. Like, what are they going to make an Açai Berry Flavor one too? They should think outside the box and do like a Pineapple, because then if you made it with Pineapple people would drink it for the additional benefit of better-tasting semen (I don't make the rules). Gosh, economics. Yes. I love 5-Hour Energy and I think they ought to make me their spokesperson in their commercials.
Anyway that's all it took to cheer me up: getting free shit I didn't have to ask for but do definitely want. I'm sure I could have found a reason to not get pumped but I do feel relieved in a way. My gym is not super chic, so it was a surprise to see the 5-Hour Energy Team there. They were cool and nice. Apparently, as per a flier they handed out, you can invite 5-Hour Energy to your office or job or something and they'll do a demo and give everybody tons of free samples. Am I dreaming? I don't know if it'd be kosher to invite them to my office. Although, once, we did have Silk do a similar demo, and we all went home that day with like 8 gallons of soymilk each. It was intense. I could use an unlimited supply of 5-Hour Energy. I almost never take it, especially now that I'm not a go-go boy anymore (sort of). One of the things I love about 5-hour energy is their marketing. This is clearly a product for people who enjoy to use drugs. And I guess some super-savvy marketing intern had the brilliant idea to just cast a bunch of junkies in their commercials.
You know, FINALLY there is a product for those of us for who just can't do anything. Those of us for whom making coffee (homeboy has an AUTOMATIC COFFEE MAKER) is "a hassle". In another one of their ads, some of the benefits of 5-Hour Energy are described as:
- No Mess
- No Waiting
- No Making
(No Making). I do especially love at the end of the clip above, how totally nuts the guy looks. Not at all excited to go start his day. Excited to go take some drugs. I'm with you, sister! "Let's do this."
5-Hour Energy: call me. I can sell the shit out of your new little pineapple-flavored hangover cures. I'll help you break into the Raver niche market. I can do things like that. I'm cute and believable and charismatic. Send my ass to Art Basel, Coachella, wherever, with a backpack full of B12. Let's do this.
Thinking a lot about Junkies lately, I think cuz of just having read Laurie Week's Zipper Mouth. I didn't drink the 5-Hour Energies at the gym but I did listen to this song so many times:
Whatever, he's totally cute.
The point is I am feeling a lot better from getting a gift from the Universe. In the form of caffeine supplements. I want to go shopping and or fall in love. Probably unrealistic. I'm going out dancing tonight, I just decided. And if I am hungover or tired tomorrow morning: I have an idea of what to do.