More Than You'd Know

Woke up this morning extra early again to go to the gym before work. Such a chore. I must say, though, going when I'm pretty much not really awake does take some of the sting out of it. Like, I can exercise for an hour, listening to the same three Janet Jackson songs and time does just seem to fly. It does seem, though, like every time I try to do this thing of getting up early, that I have some insane scary dream or something the night before. This time at 3am there was some kind of street fight, or performance? I thought I head clapping. I thought I head a guy screaming about how something was "fucking gay" and I heard applause. And it was so loud! It woke me up! But then I heard the sound getting quieter so maybe the performers walked down the street. I heard something like a garbage can get kicked over and fell back asleep. You can never tell.


Sister Spit on Monday night was so fantastic! I of course know and adore Brontez and Justin Vivian Bond and Erin Markey and fucking THRILLED to get to see them read and sing. I've been unspeakably jealous of them all in that Sister Spit roadshow van. How awesome. Seeing Eileen Myles read, as well, always a fantastic treat. I had never seen Michelle Tea read, actually, and it was so cool. She sort o, vocal cadence-wise, was giving me a little bit of Gerry Visco effects, but maybe it's a Boston thing. It brought back memories of reading her first two books, (The Passionate Mistakes and Intricate Corruption of One Girl in America & Valencia) and how much I really loved them. What a wonderful night.


This morning on my way to work in the rain, I ran into that one shopgirl. The one who is sort of nice, sort of not nice (depending) to me. I mean: I don't deserve to have her or anybody be nice to me, least of all because I never buy anything. But so I ran into her at an intersection this morning, and we had an awkward moment where we recognized each other, outside of the usual  context-- the boutique. On the street though, I felt more powerful. Like: "Now we're both real people. Now I'm not the only real person. Now I'm at work. (Or on my way to work.)" She looked away. I don't know. It was strange. It's not like we would have a conversation or anything. She's actually been nicer to me the last few times I've gone in.


Okay, so. I feel like I'm about to make this huge mistake of posting about this, but, y'know, mea culpa and shit. This is a mistake because now this thing I've been quietly and secretly obsessing over in my own individual way is gonna be something I will probably have to discuss with other people, which I am kind of loathe to do sometimes? Let the cat out of the bag? I love it and I hate it. Whatever.

I feel like recently, with queer male people my own age, and actually mostly a tiny little bit older than me (tee-hee), there's been a lot of talk about how "the younger generation" is more radical and more apt to be into drag and freakiness and embracing femininity, and how they've had all this access throughout their adolescence, etc. because of the Internet. And I guess that's all mostly true, but I kind of hate this generational thinking. This gay generational thinking. It seems unnecessarily divisive. As an older sibling, I'm also really wary of anyone younger than me being cooler or better adjusted or happier than I am or was at their age, and these things are obviously inevitable. Plus: I feel like I'm still part of the younger-ish generation?

The point is: I'm really into all these freaky queer "boys" on Tumblr and I think you should get into them too. Now, I don't really know them, in real life, but I want to? I think I met the first one at Pussy Faggot, in the green room, he's one of Gerry Visco's Twinks.

That Gerry Visco is kind of on the cutting edge and doesn't get nearly enough credit for being such a genius. I'm being serious. Remember that really brilliant interview she gave to me over on the Birdsong site? But like, for real. These kids are young and freaky and cool and doing their own thing and I don't know where! It's happening totally apart from me, from a different world than the ones I am in, I think? And it's exciting.

Okay so this is a photo of Hari Nef taken by Ben Taylor. These are both new names to me. I guess he's in school and from reading his blog he's kind of a club-kid. He seems cool and I think we maybe met at Public Assembly after or before Gerry's set (I was drunk sorry). He makes hilarious jokes and good looks. This is art. Slash: is this art? Slash let's all start a band, right?

Okay I don't know this person's name but his Tumblr is Prince Nebulas. He posts a lot of cute self-portraits and Japanese stuff but this one is by far my absolute favorite. Is he a model? Are they all models? What is going on.

I feel like Kathy Acker interviewing the Spice Girls. Err, maybe a little bit less creepy.

Here's a pic of the two of them out together. At a party I had never heard of in NYC. There's so much I don't know about. I'm not being sarcastic when I say that it's great.

The lovely and be-braided style activist and Certified Funky Chicken Spacepopstar. Is she a ginger? Am I hallucinating? Sometimes her self-portraits are kind of giving me a little bit of post-apocalypse raver mixed with vintage La JohnJoseph, no? This might be wishful thinking.

I feel like I definitely went through a thing, in my life, on the Internet, where I got so much fucking shade for posting pictures of myself, and or talking about myself. Like maybe even this blog too: people really resented it! So I do feel vindicated to see that actually cool kids, way cooler than I ever would've been at their age (I don't know how old these kids are, I'm being hyperbolic for effect) using themselves in interesting ways.

It used to be, I used to feel that having a lot of friends on the Internet was different from being famous. Then that changed, or I changed, or something changed and now I see it as the same. Or, actually, I see it as an irrelevant distinction between two pretty irrelevant concepts. These freaky queer kids are making looks and making slogans ("&what", "goddess blog", and Hari Nef's new one: "french mani"), seemingly without concern for popularity, fame, whatever. How refreshing! Like, what if this was just real life now? You know? Like, about being articulate and DOING YOUR OWN THING rather than, say, trying to look like people on TV or trying to emulate someone else. I'm into this especially to the extent that it is and is not "a scene". Like do these kids and their friends even live in NYC? Does that even matter? Do you even have to be here, physically, anymore, to participate? I guess the answer right now, right this second, is "Nope". These kids aren't here, and if they are here then I don't know them so they may as well not be, but I still want to have elaborate conversations about how rad I think they are. Are there more? Is everyone secretly awesome? Am I 100% late to the party?

It's springtime, now. Let's all make new friends, eh?



So tonight I'm going, after work, to these Ryan McGinley art openings. I am excited and also pretty nervous because the last time I went to one of these it was really. fucking. nuts. But like it's okay to be sort of nuts, sometimes, right?

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