Partial List of False Starts

- I bought a hairbrush the other day, to brush my wig for the B0DYH1GH show tonight. It's actually two hairbrushes, a big one and a little one, that were sold together. It made me think about having kids. Like, if I had a kid I'd give the kid one of the brushes. But that's now how parenting works, I guess. It's not just sharing, giving the kid the leftovers or scraps. No. That's not even how you're supposed to treat a pet.

- I can never sleep enough. I wonder if I'm sick, or poisoned, or hexed somehow. Sometimes I can't sleep; can't fall asleep or can't stay asleep. But now I can fall asleep just fine. I'd love to fall asleep right now. I just can never sleep enough. It's like pouring water through a colander, I can't get rested enough.

- False Start:

- I bought these new jeans and they're kind of too tight. This is the sort of thing that I feel like any rational person would be able to deal with, but which throws me into an existential crisis. Am I not the size I thought I was? I've never bought jeans from this company before, so I don't know if their sizes run small. I haven't actually bought new jeans in a long time, so I don't actually know what too tight even is. Aren't new jeans supposed to be, like, broken in? Does that refer to stretching out a little bit or shrinking? Are they actually so tight that they make me uncomfortable, or am I just not used to wearing new jeans? In any case, they were on final sale for $30 (marked down from like $3,750) so it's hardly the end of the world. But still. Why isn't everything comfortable? The reason everything isn't comfortable is because, in part, I don't know what comfortable is. Probably no one does. Probably no one is 100% certain of what "comfortable" is, but maybe I'm just admitting it more than your average Joe. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm special, I suffer especially, and the crux of the suffering is knowing how special/different you are. You're welcome!

- Am I getting sick? I feel bad. I feel exhausted. My skin feels weird, I can't think straight. My stomach hurts. I'm performing tonight and tomorrow night and going out with my friend on Friday night and then Saturday I'm getting a sorely-needed haircut. I can't be getting sick. I was just sick. I've been taking all kinds of immune system boosters, weird supplements. Are they what's making me feel bad? Sometimes you just feel bad. It could be for any reason. I bought some elderberry extract. It's so weird and rare for me to try a new herbal remedy or supplement which I haven't already tried. I'm a witch. I know everything already. That might be another symptom. 

This is a good look. I want to dress like a cluster of elderberries. 

- Yesterday I got up so early and by the afternoon thought that maybe I was getting sick. What does it mean to be exhausted, really? I totally skewed my day earlier and now I'm stuck. I'm on, like, European time. Paris Fashion Week time. I saw all the shows online and I didn't like any of them except for Junya Watanabe's sportswear ("Sports? Where?!") and the Comme des Garçons collections. CdG was LITERALLY a clusterfuck. I will have more to say on that score anon. But look, I found some more CdG ads from bygone eras, when Rei was on a slightly less obtuse trip. In the 1970s and 1980s. 

- It's nice, it's cool to be playing two shows this week. Tonight and tomorrow night. I can do this! Watch me go. 

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