I'm trying to do a two-day juice fast/cleanse. I ate dinner last night at 6pm and have had nothing but water and green tea since then. It's miserable. Over the last month I feel like I've been stress-eating, or just not taking the most amazing care of myself, and I wanted to give my system a little rest. I also want to have no caffeine or other substances in me, just for a minute, just to see. I'm on my third glass of green juice. It's expensive and I'm bored and irritable. The goal is to go 48 hours. I don't know if I can make it. Tonight I'm going to do some light exercise at the gym then go to Caroline's awesome meditation class at the Spectrum. Tomorrow I want to go to a yoga class, which I haven't done in a very long time. I feel like I'm kind of losing my will, though. I may break the fast tonigh. I hate fasting. I'm starving. Alright.

Last night I saw the Breeders perform Last Splash, which was like a dream. I've had the phenomenal good luck to see them a few times in the last couple of years, but it's always to promote their new record, so it was cool to see the album played, as if like one long song. I also got to hear them do songs I never thought I'd get to see performed live. "Hag" is one of my absolute favorite songs. It was weird because I felt like the crowd was all weirdly invested in the show. I mean, we all love that record. It's meant to much to so many people. For the encore they played a bunch of older songs, including some jams from Pod which I was definitely not expecting. Totally wonderful. A wonderful night.

I've been really obsessed with Teena Marie lately. Kind of for a while. There's something about her relationship to culture, identity, race, genre that's so interesting to me. She identified as a black artist with white skin. But like, in the 1980s, and totally straight-faced. And she was kind of taken seriously in that regard. It's kind of baffling to me, and I love her records so much. I can't stop.

I do want to harp on one last thing about the show I did. In ever performance, I ask an audience member to come up on stage and discuss their keychains with me. People are nervous to do it. I forget that people get freaked out so easily. I don't want my last post to seem to unnecessarily bratty, and I was thinking about how every night I did get fantastic volunteers (eventually), and how grateful I was. The first night, rising NYC comedy and performance legend Becky Eklund came up. The second night writer and Stonewall rioter Jim Fouratt came up, and the third night, international icon of stage, screen and teen dream Erin Markey came up. This seems a metric. I feel so lucky! It was kind of the highlight; that these people came at all to my shows (wow!) and that they were eager enough or pitied me enough to come onstage. It makes me feel good.

Friday night I went back to BAX to see Love/Forté's show Memory Withholdings, which I really liked. I've seen them develop the piece along a couple of different fronts throughout the year. And I know that, independently of one another, they're both tremendously accomplished and busy choreographers, dancers, teachers, people. I was curious to see how they could sort of bring all the themes, motifs, elements of their project together. And I was really happy to see how it turned out. The piece is, to my mind, about constructing and inhabiting a narrative. I was struck with the motif of distance. I sometimes think of time-travel as a kind of hokey or staid artistic device, but in Love/Forté's newest work, the influence of the past, the inevitability of one's destiny are foreboding, scintillating, and impossible to ignore. The weight of history threatens to tear the present moment apart. I was struck with how, as a duo, they managed to portray a kind of pluralism, a multitude of dynamics, without even really dancing in duets for much of the show. I was struck by the visual motifs that reminded me of Butoh, I was touched by the scenery, (a chair and a desk sat sideways on the floor, so that if one dance sat in the chair and looked into the desk, she was leaning on her left side). It was really gratifying for me, personally, since I'd seen elements of the piece workshopped earlier, but I think even without that prior knowledge, anyone coming into the space of that show would have experienced what I did, a kind of tender nudging. An insistent pull, like an undertow, imploring us to keep thinking bigger, longer, farther back. Remember more. Incorporate more. Look further into the future. Listen to more voices. I dug it.

Afterward, PLD and Ptrck the Witch and I went to 11:11, the fantastically glamorous party hosted by Ladyfag and Juliana Huxtable in the Lower East Side. It was fun, but I was kind of exhausted. (The theme of this month's issue is that I am exhausted).

Saturday I saw Becca Blackwell's staging of "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" at Ideas City at the New Museum. It starred B.B. as Martha (of course) and Jenn Harris as George and I forgot the names of the other two actors, but they were fantastic! Then I saw Erin give her presentation as part of the NEA 4 residency at the New Museum, which was fun in a different way. I am so proud of both of them. I sneaked home for a minute to get changed, and then went back to the Lower East Side to see Jack Ferver's new show All of a Sudden, which I liked a lot, but it was I must say harrowing in a way that I don't feel like his work has been. For me, in the past. I was into it. It was scary, in a good way. And funny. Afterward PLD and the Irish Horse and Erin and Justin from the Meeting went out for fancy, sort of disgusting cocktails at a karaoke bar in Chinatown, which was a lot of fun.

Sunday I did an interview for a documentary this nice artist boy is making for Taiwanese public TV about gay cruising. I took myself out to lunch then went to Gio Black Peter's Cinco de Mayo party, where there were tons of near and dear friends, including the always glamorous and delightful miss Coco. The party was also the occasion of a video shoot for GBP's new song, and the filming of the video at the party was itself being filmed by a European TV crew who told me they were doing a TV show about "Drugs. And sex." but they told someone else that they were making a show about the current climate of nightlife in NYC, because Michael Alig is getting release from prison soon. It was a trip. I love an early party, though, and was home by 9pm.

I am so totally bored and tired and a little bit angry and I have to believe it's because I haven't eaten anything all day. So I think instead of the gym, I might just go to yoga tonight, then meditate.

Then eat some fucking fruit. I feel weird.

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