Some kind of weird sciatica leg thing, I don't know. I made such a big fucking fuss over getting a yoga ball at my office desk, then another one at home. But yesterday when I sat down to work after having been out of the office for three days, an insane pain in my left leg, underneath my left butt muscle. Isn't a yoga ball supposed to make that better? What is wrong with my body? I'm in a regular chair today, feeling ever so much like the quitter I fear myself to be. My leg still hurts though. What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm falling apart, or like I'm getting sick. I made a list:
- Leg/butt pain.
- I bit my tongue (twice). It hurts to talk or chew.
- I have a sore throat.
- I have a tiny pimple on my ear that I can't pop.
- One of my lymph nodes is really swollen, right behind my ear.
- I bumped my elbow so bad at work. I realize now that this is why all of my work shirts (my beloved +J shirts) all split on the left elbow: because of my desk/my posture. I'm miserable.
I am going to Berlin next week and I cannot repeat cannot get sick. I am taking care of myself with full-steam. Tonight I am going to the gym and then going to meditation class if I have my druthers.
I feel bad. Tuesdays.
On the plus side, I've been so obsessed with that Heart album Bebe le Strange, alive and excited with the possibilities of rediscovering music, records, bands, careers, worlds. How many cheesy bands from the past are there, hiding somewhere, waiting for me to pour my devotion into them? Who else wants to ride with me into the past and then lose our safety harnesses? Throw our compasses overboard? Chew fistfuls of tin foil and ruin our nice futuristic dental work. Who wants to get married? By which I mean, throw ourselves down the well of nostalgia and then claw our way back to the present together. This is romance. This is what romance is.
Physical discomfort is so awful. So unbearable. I have to remind myself that mortification of the flesh does in a way bring us in congress with the divine. I suppose.