8/6/13

New Moon

Tomorrow's my birthday. I'm performing at a benefit for the Bureau of General Services Queer Division at the Pyramid Club. Please come! And then on Saturday my birthday twin Jess Paps and I are going to have a bday party at a bar in Bushwick, let me know if you'd like to come to that I just don't want to post the address for some reason.

Been so down lately. Like so low down that really getting into it or writing about it is the last thing I want to do. Maybe that's what exactly I need to do. I feel like there's some really obvious mistake that I'm making, but I don't know what it is. Not yet.

Last night I performed at the Metropolitan for the HOT FRUIT party. There were actually a lot of people there for a Monday night! I saw Earl and Nath Ann and Ben and so many folks and Another birthday twin Brian Jogger came. I sang a cover of Huggy Bear's "Sizzlemeet" and a cover of Cocteau Twins "Iceblink Luck" and they sounded okay and I think I sang sort of bad, not the worst. I had a lot of fun. I think people liked it. Some people (a lot of people) left but a lot of people stayed and took photos or videos with their phones. I know it's maybe weird, but doing one-off nightclub performances of songs like that, a kind of funky punk cabaret thing that might not be so great or glamorous, is really fulfilling to me right now. It means a lot to get to do something that is not sexy or glamorous. I sound spoiled. Maybe I am spoiled, I think a lot of us are, let's talk about it, etc.

And tomorrow I'm playing a show too, singing a couple of songs. I feel excited. And Thursday I'm going to see the Julie Ruin perform at Union Pool. And Friday is the launch party for the new issue of SPUNK ARTS MAGAZINE. I have a new story in this zine, very different from anything I've written before. Maybe you'll like it, but you should DEFINITELY come to the launch party. The rest of the contributors are fucking amazing, I'm so gassed to be included among them, and there will be an art exhibit and a performance by AB Soto.

Saturday I'm going to have this birthday party with Miss Jess Paps and hopefully you, and I'm much excited about that as well. There's a lot to be excited about! I keep saying it.

Today is a New Moon. I think it worked, it's supposed to work. Something's supposed to happen. This is supposed to be good. I'm being a little indulgent and selfish. I canceled a very exciting meeting / hangout sesh tonight because I'm so exhausted I can't think straight. I'm starving. I want to go to bed early. I might smoke a cigarette. I want to, I don't know, check in. I want to start, get started. I think it's less a thing of new opportunities or more opportunities, but of course, in the attitude.

I wonder sometimes why we let ourselves off the hook, and I wonder sometimes why we let ourselves off our leashes. But then when I'm feeling low it seems like that was always the way to be. Like that's the natural part. What a weird trip to be on. Last year's birthday was pretty good. The one before that was alright. The one before THAT was pretty amazing, actually. They're all good. I'm glad to have them.

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