Max Steele Gay Blues Explosion

Thinking a little bit about Gaslighting. As a real thing that happens in the world, and as a kind of rhetorical though experiment. Essentially-- is what I think is happening actually happening? Who can tell. I have some friends who are in some dire situations, and I want to be able to say "No, you're right. The other person's wrong." or "I understand." but I don't know if I can be sure. How do I know that what I think is really true or really real or happening? It's always this thing of, you know. Be nice and also be honest. How funny sometimes these things seem to be at odds with one another. Rarely, but it happens, you know?

This morning on my way to work I went to the drugstore to buy yogurt and an apple and a pack of cigarettes. There was a new bank opening next to the drugstore in midtown. There was a huge crowd outside the new bank. Lots of guys in suits. Big tv cameras, a whole production. They weren't like, paparrazi, and they didn't look like they were waiting for a celebrity or anything. What do guys in suits get into crowds for? Who is the banking celebrity? I asked the girl who was ringing me up if she knew why people were waiting outside the bank.

"Bloomberg's supposed to come."
"Ah ha."
"The mayor,"
"Yeah... not for much longer."
"It feels like forever!"
"I know."
"It feels like it's been... two ages."
"It has been."
"Like, twenty years!"
"And I'm only 23!"

I woke up before the sun this morning to go to the gyn, felt out of place, uncomfortable, but triumphant. I fought against all my instincts and did the painful, uncomfortable, but healthy thing of going to the gym. The gym was totally empty except for this guy who I know lives around the corner from me, and I think he's cute and once a few weeks ago I said "hi" on grindr and got no response. It was just the two of us working out this morning, so I ignored him and he continued to ignore me. Last time I went to the gym before the sun, I got there before he did, so I felt morally superior. This time, he was there before me, so I felt like a schmuck. None of this is the point.

I was listening to Boss Hog, and the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, and thinking how cool they were. How there should be more artwork like that. I had the fleeting thought: "Oh, I want to make the gay version of the Jon Spencer Blues Exposion. I would call is the Max Steele Gay Blues Explosion." I think that could still be a fantastic idea, getting to sign both the Jon and Cristina parts of the Boss Hog songs.

But then I realized, there's already a gay version of JSBX, and it's the Make-Up, right? My ultimate fantasy boyfriend, Ian Svenonius kind of hits that mark, for me. It satisfies my craving to fuck with the JSBX hipster white boy blues rock thing by adding a sissy. I mean, Ian has an actual lisp. (A natural lisp). He's perfect. I felt sort of sad. Ian S. is such a good singer, such a good dresser, a fantastic charismatic perfomer, a wonderful talk show host, and a truly brilliant writer and philosopher. Gosh, I thought, I wish I was him. But like actually gay. I wish the conversation around Svenonius had been about his queerness. Not in terms of having sex with men. C'mon guys, grow up. But in terms of queer aesthetics and practices. I wish it were more about "I want to be a queer sex symbol" or something.

And THAT got me thinking about James Franco. James is sort of the film world's Ian Svenonius, right? Except with that added intrigue of queer lust. He actually goes for it, in a way Svennie doesn't. He also wear all those hats. It's kind of sick in a way, because Ian was doing this middle-aged queer boy wunderkind thing for a while before James rolled out of bed, and it seems like all these writers and thinkers and poets or whatever are so into James' so-called queer allure. And Ian doesn't get so much credit for being the one to have come up with it.

But, you know, JSBX was pretty queer too, in a way. I guess if there were actually a gay version, it would look like the video for their song starring Winona Ryder right?

I still want to start a  MAX STEELE GAY BLUES EXPLOSION project. I think that could work. Tonight I'm going to two art openings then therapy and then a reading. And then I get to sleep. What a long fun day. Gay Explosion. It's great.

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