Halloween was fun. I wasn't feeling it, actually, before. I didn't feel excited about it. But on Thursday I went to my analyst and we had a pretty good talk about bravery and being mean and being funny, or something. On the one hand, I feel like we're going around in circles, but on the other hand I do feel like that's kind of the point, it was a good talk. Then I came home and had band practice, then went over to the Halloween party at Mafew and Ryan's. They have a third room mate who I must have met at some point, but it's all about them. They're really good at being funny, having fun, apartments, and parties. I mean they're good at all sorts of things but this is relevant. I was totally blown away by their Easter party a few years ago, but I heard they moved and so when I went to the Easter party this year I was very pleasantly surprised. They have maybe the nicest house in all of Williamsburg? Insanely decorated. Amazing spread. Snacks, candy, everywhere. Candles on every single surface. A band of guys dressed in big fuzzy Sesame Street costumes played in the basement. The band was a stand-up bass, a xylophone and a ukulele. Spooky and old-timey. They had little dishes with cigarettes (for anyone!) on every single table. Insanely classy. My definition of luxury. There was also lots of booze. There's always some kind of freaky punch thing. When we got there, Ryan was making the punch so we had to wait for him to finish making it before we could have any. I watched him make it, but after he added like the 34th or 35th ingredient I stopped paying attention. Eventually it was ready and it was delicious! I don't know what was in it and I don't know if I want to know? It seemed like there was a lot of really important stuff in the punch. I had one glass and felt pretty insane, watching the band in the basement and chatting with dear heart Chris S. the writer-cum-publisher. Oh yeah, I was gonna go as Lou Reed but instead I went as a sexy Cheshire Cat, for like the 5th year in a row. I'm always a cat. What's new. Teebs and Deegs came, we had some more punch and ate some more candy and found a hammock in the backyard and played in it for a little while. I was going to go home early because I had work the next morning, and declared that I was calling in sick! to work! And proceeded to have two more glasses of punch and also two glasses of champagne and also a beer, I think. I had a beer in the basement, while I was hanging out with Rob boom boom Roth the legendary face. Such a fun night! Swollen with booze and candy, we made our way home around 4 in the morning.

Get this: I went to work the next morning anyway, like an asshole. It actually wasn't so bad, it makes me wonder if I should be going out at night all the time, right? Cuz fuck it, I hate everything. Whatever, Halloween's only once a year.

I'm in kind of a bad mood today, I realized. I guess it's a Tuesday thing?

So Friday was kind of hard, I was super duper tired and pretty hungover. I went to a screening of The Women which was introduced by Mx Justin Vivian Bond. But I got there too late to see vs introduction and just watched the movie. Which is, of course, amazing. I must have subconsciously known but this time I was acutely aware that there are no men in that movie. That's just great. More movies should be like that! Another thing I like about The Women, aside from everything Joan Crawford says or does in it, is that the moral of the story is sort of about how if you're an asshole and go around bullying people around and being mean, then unfortunate things will happen to you and the people you were mean to won't want to be your friend about it. This sounds rough, and it is, in a way, I guess. But it does resonate with my own values, which is that if you want to be a jerk, then that will be its own punishment. It's not up to me (or anyone else) to make people suffer. I'm all about karmic retribution -- see the 'revenge' up at the top of the screen, natch -- but that's more about having a conversation than about suffering, per se. You wanna be hard, then you will fall hard all by your hard self. Hardie. So the movie was fun.

Went to the Boiler Room to meet up with dear heart Max. Had fun talking to him and all sorts of cute interesting gay boys. Had that kind of nice, kind of weird experience of meeting new guys (this happened more than once that night) and thinking "Wow they really want talk about their lives in this kind of unguarded way, that's cool!" and then have the conversation start to veer with a kind of awful perfunctory rhythm back to their boyfriends, over and over again. Are you being nice or are you trying to make sure I'm not flirting with you, because you're boyfriend is here? By the way I wasn't flirting with anyone, I pretty much never flirt unless it's already a done deal. I mean, right? But whatever, meeting new nice interesting guys. Saw someone from my past I'd rather not have seen, whatcha gonna do. I begged off early instead of going dancing and I'm glad I did, I was hungry.

Saturday I went to the gym and then went to rehearsal at Dixon Place for the rehearsal of Roy Garrett's Hot Rod to Hell. SUCH a fun night! The other readers (Mike Albo, Jonathan Daniel Federico, William Johnson, Brian Kenny, Scooter LaForge, Casey Spooner, Joey Stocks) were amazing, of course. Here's a photo of us that Slava took in the dressing room after the show:

We're cute. It's fun to be cute. But it's also a big responsibility. 

Ms. Albo came to the reading straight from her show earlier that night at Dixie Pee, The Junket, which has HIT written all over it. I heard it was amazing and I'm excited to see it this weekend with my homegirl Ben Rimalower. Here's a great interview with Mike about the show. It sounds so exciting! I'm interested in his upcoming book, too. About shopping. I used to hate shopping, but then at some point in the last few years, it became about something else and I started to like it. I guess I've always loved shopping for certain things. Groceries. Records. Those are probably past-times for me. But only insofar as cooking, eating, listening to music or reading books are also pastimes. Can a love of shopping be hiding, actually, a love of libraries? I wonder. It somehow reminds me of this awesome blog post about shopping that Susan Ploetz aka Pash(ly) wrote. This thing of being simultaneously transfixed and repulsed by the spectacle. Like, seduced and also nauseated? Been thinking a lot about consumer culture and how consumer culture is sometimes used (at least in my imagination) as a kind of proxy to mean these other things. Like maybe a place or a way to ask different questions. Shouldn't be the point, though? Shouldn't that be possible? I guess there's no getting around the fact that it does boil down to capitalism, to some of us having more or less resources. Even if it's a resource that's more difficult to quantify like taste, or time to shop. This thing, I see it a lot in my social circles and in the world today in general. This thing of recreational shopping. Like with your free time. i'm fascinated and horrified and I guess reminded anew every time that these feelings are far from mutually exclusive.

Anyway after the hilarious and exciting reading, I went to Gio's house with some very nice kids and met his and Neil's cat, Too Shy, who wasn't too shy to say hi. We listened to music and talked about art and boys and traveling and it was great. I should have stayed up later but I was pooped! I never save any energy for the weekend. I went to bed at what felt like a really early time but I realize that it was because of daylight savings time.

Sunday B0DYH1GH did our show ALIEN AFTERLIFE at La MaMa. I think it actually went so much better than I thought it was going to, and I think we're fucking fantastic. We wrote some new songs which I'm really proud of, and we polished up some old gems which I'm also very happy with. Perfect Little Daniel made some delightful stage banter, I think it was a pretty perfect show. We got a lot of amazing feedback. I want to record another mixtape. We have so many good new songs that no one's heard outside of our shows. Not that people don't listen at our shows, but you know. Came home and ordered takeout and went to bed ridiculously early.

Such a whole bunch more to say, but I feel better now, and I'm late anyway, so I'll stop here.

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