Inspire Days

What an inspiring week last week.Trying to hang onto my fledgling optimism. The weather's not so bad right now. Things are okay. On Monday I went to a reading with Tommy of writers talking about moving to, staying in, leaving, coming back to New York City. It was pretty fantastic, highlights being Emily Gould and Alexander Chee and the wonderful Mike Albo. I pretty much never feel at all ambivalent about living here (I love it here) but only in the last month or so did I start to have my doubts. I guess not even about living in NYC, just about living, being alive. The reading was funny and made me feel pretty resolute in staying. In whatever that means, I guess.

On Tuesday I met up with my friend Daniel to talk about this new MAPPLETHORPE project I'm working on. I like trying to have a conversation about an idea, or a theory, with someone who hasn't been briefed beforehand. I'm sometimes really shy to talk about m,y hunches or my ideas before they're fully-baked, but the more I do it, the more rewarded and challenged and engaged I feel. Maybe it's just that I'm asking better or different people? I was into the conversation. Nourishing, I think.

Speaking of nourishing, on Wednesday sweet lil baby darling star Colin Self came over and we had tea. I was also doing laundry, I felt so domestic. We talked about seltzer and how busy we were and how great everything is. Some secret and hilarious projects Miss Ting is cooking up. I got hungry so then we made pasta salad. My idea was to try to make super cheap pasta salad that in some way approximated tuna salad except I'm vegetarian and don't like mayo (at all). So here's what goes in the pasta salad we tried out:

- Whole wheat rotini pasta
- Shitake mushrooms
- Hijiki (go easy on this-- I overdid it)
- Chopped celery
- Raisins
- Goddess dressing
- Parmesean cheese

It was so good. I had some leftovers for work the next day. I was really into it except A) I would maybe use grapes instead of raisins next time, and B)) I used way too much Hijiki. Would maybe try with a milder seaweed in the future?

Thursday morning I got up extra early to have coffee with Jarrett. We talked about art and intimacy and the world. It was cool. Then after work and a quick trip to the gym, I went to see Nadia Tykusker's dance project Spark Edit do a showing of a new piece they're working on. I don't often see a ton of dance, especially in the pre-performance stage, so this was a real treat. I met Nadia through BAX and saw a tiny bit of her work then, and really loved it. I'm so excited that I got to see this new project! It will have another pre-performance showing in Brooklyn in the next few months, which i'll let you know about, and then a full run in the Spring. SO, so cool and inspiring. My vocabulary for dance work is really limited, but the piece made me think a lot about training, physical structures, exercise, the military, for some reason? Uniforms? Self-defense classes? Gangs? Bondage? Or maybe, really, anatomy. I was really struck. It gave me a lot to think about. I don't want to impose too too much of my own drama onto the project, but would only say that there's something really cool happening that she and her dance collaborators are making! I want you to come with me to the next showing.

Friday I went to my office staff party and had maybe a little bit too much to drink, but a lot of fun. Saturday I went to the gym for a long time and I cleaned the hell out of my bathroom, and then, I went to a surprise pre-birthday party for dear heart Tommy. It was all planned out by Lauren Wilkes and Maud. I think Tommy was really surprised. His actual birthday is this weekend and he's having an official real party, but it was nice for a room of his closest folks to come freak him out. Keeping a secret from him was totally excruciating. We had tacos and karaoke and so much fucking good times. I was worn out. Sunday I went to an awesome meeting of some fellow writer-performer folks. It was a very special and inspiring conversation-- I'm sometimes so freaked out by my feelings of insecurity or frustration or just questioning, curiosity. I'm not saying that we had a pity party by ANY stretch of the imagination. I'm just saying that it's so really, deeply helpful and encouraging to talk with someone who shares your questions. To realize that feeling insecure doesn't mean I'm actually failing, it's actually a logical and crucial part of the art-making process. At least for me and everyone I know. Such a fun day. I meant to go to a Wayne Koestenbaum reading last night, but it started snowing so I ordered Thai food and watched cartoons.

I meant to get up at 5am to go to the gym this morning, but I fucked up my alarm clock and ended up waking up at 8am instead of snoozing till 5:15 (don't ask how). Not the worst decision I've ever made. Tonight I'm going to a special meet-up of the Next Time organizers, then the Dirty Looks benefit/holiday party. Tomorrow night, I'm very excited to go to my hero Jill Pangallo's new show HOPE IS EXPENSIVE at the Wild Project. And then go immediately afterward to the official Afterparty at the PArkside lounge, where I'll be doing a little performing myself: HOMO FOR THE HOLIDAZE.

Another exciting inspiring week ahead. I'm starving.

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