Yeah so it's Tuesday, I get real stressed out on Tuesdays so I did a code and tapped in back in time and went and looked for someone, a file I had closed. We had stopped speaking, mutually, sort of friendly, sort of not. I felt sad, I'd been thinking of him fondly lately. He's doing well, I guess. He's in love with a doctor.

Is it mean to tell someone that you think of them as the one that got away? Is that cruel? It seems mean. It seems selfish. What if the person has a whole new life now. What right do you have to tell them something that would upset them?

The best part is always the waving at the horns on "good riddance, goodbye"

Might not even upset him, actually. Likely not. A fantasy of being a homewrecker. Too bad your family likes the Doctor. No, dump him and take back up with Billy. How would you explain me to the family "Yeah he was this totally awful guy I dated a few years ago and now we're back together"? It's a moot point. I just wonder, is it cruel or mean or wrong to tell someone: I think of you as the one that got away. You know. You know I've always loved you, carried a torch for you.

I think maybe it's not necessarily so mean. It's basically saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry things worked out the way they did. I wish they would have worked out differently. Or, maybe the better question to ask is if it's mean to say you're sorry. Probably someone feels pretty okay with how things have worked out so far. And besides, why bother bellyaching about the past?

"Don't fuck things up by getting sick, again."

Thinking about my old buddy Charlie today and missing him. If he were here he would definitely not stand for me throwing such a hissyfit. He'd take me out for milkshakes or something. Minigolf. He'd love most of my friends, and hate others, and he'd have crushes on all of them it'd be a wreck. Y'know, for someone who complains and freaks out as much as I do, I cut myself very little actual slack and I wish Charlie were still here to remind me that the exboyfriend is cute but not that cute and to get over it. Charlie would have been jealous. He would have reminded me that I'm stretched kind of thin and am overwhelmed, but the thing is keeping the way-- what do they call it? Keep the space? Hold the candle? Keep someone's memory alive? You have to do the stuff they used to do. That is, if you care about it getting done anymore.

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