I woke up in a blind rage and threw a tantrum.

I remember last year when I did ENCOURAGER, one of the big lessons I learned was that freaking out won't help anything, will only make me miserable and make doing my best job more difficult. I KNOW that freaking out won't help, but I can't help freaking out.

I'm scared because the show is so minimal, so cut down. It's just me and I have to trust myself. I have a very hard time trusting myself. I don't think I deserve to trust myself. I'm afraid that it's easy to overboard with trusting yourself. What am I so afraid of? What would that look like, someone clearly trusting them self too much, in the wrong ways, for the wrong reasons? And what would be so bad about that? And what good things could come from that, from the other side of that? This is what lead to MAPPLETHORPE.

No comments: