Needing to Thaw

What else. Waiting for my dinner to cook. For dinner tonight I'm having:
- Frozen cooked winter squash
- Frozen dumplings

I need to thaw. I was supposed to have something tonight but it got canceled and thank goodness. I'm exhausted. I woke up at 6am to go to the gym.

Edit: I wrote that part last night. I went to bed before I could finish it. I woke up again at six this morning but just so that I could have some quiet time to meditate, shower, eat breakfast and catch up on correspondence. And there's still not enough time.

I love getting up early. It does kind of make me wonder, though, why I live in a city. If I prize these moments of quiet solitude so much. Why not move to a cave? But I think I only appreciate them in contrast to the absolute craziness the rest of my days and nights are about. Like tonight, for example. And today. It's going to be elaborate, there's so much to do. But it's also Mercury Retrograde, so let's see how much of the agenda we get through.

Last weekend I went to see Half Straddle's ANCIENT LIVES at The Kitchen. It was totally fantastic.

I have never seen a Half Straddle show before, which is totally ridiculous because I've seen clips and short little readings and know many of the people involved with the company and love them all. But this was my first full-length big time show of theirs that I saw and I just loved it.  On my way into the theater, I saw a girl sneaking in. She cut the line into the space and tried to move past the ticket-taker without being notices, but the ticket-taker corralled her over and asked to scan her ticket. The girl pretended to be in a big hurry and not have the ticket, then produced it and let the woman scan it. The ticket-taker lady said that the Girl had a ticket for yesterday's show, and sent her back to the box office. The girl tried to sneak in behind me but was shoo'd away. I don't know how she got another ticket, since the show was sold out, because the show is such a hit. Anyway I made it into the theater and was sitting with Erin and Jordan and Eric, and I saw the sneaky girl! She was looking on her phone and scanning the crowd looking for a seat. She seemed like she was there to meet someone. She milled through the audience and ultimately ended up sitting next to us. By this point I had told my seat companions about the cool sneaky girl I saw sneaking into the show. I think it's fitting that a girl would do that, would sneak in, boldly.

I think that's sort of what ANCIENT LIVES was about-- trespassing. It's about being a girl, how to find a way to be a girl and a woman in the world. How to make a world around being a girl. And how to keep it that way, how to leave and come back. It's hard to describe. I don't ever remember my dreams but the show invaded my dreams. The music, by Chris Giarmo, was fucking haunting and gorgeous. The play itself, by Tina Satter (obviously) was crystalline and entrancing. I felt like I was watching a 60s horror movie and also a 70s feminist documentary and an 80s teen movie and a 90s sitcom and a reality show from the 00s and also something else. It was dreamy, it was personal. It was really freaky and I loved it.

Me and the kids went out for drinks afterward with some of the cast and crew. I'm still doing Dry January, which is okay but exceedingly boring. I still want to stay up late and party and laugh and flirt and have fun, but I just don't want to spend money on overpriced alcohol just to face a hangover and shame in the morning. I'm too busy! So I don't mind abstaining from booze. I think I will probably only drink a little bit in February. I'm toying with the idea of abstaining from everything else the last week of this month. That'll be tough. Anyway I've been going out to bars and drinking Shirley Temples, another brilliant Molly Pope idea, and had some after the play on Saturday.

Sunday I had rehearsal for the play I'm in, a production of The Food Chain by Nicky Silver, being produced by Spoon Productions. It opens in February here in NYC. I am enjoying the thing of being an actor! Also, I'm sorry, but we're trying to raise money for the production:

Our fundraising campaign is here.

After rehearsal I went to Dover Street Market NY to see the new collections from the tachiagari. Obviously I wanted everything, but still, nothing in particular. Yet. I need a new handbag. I want a new CdG bag but haven't seen one that I need need to own yet. Debating dropping $250 on a Dries Van Noten denim tote. That seems sort of silly, right?

I really wanted to see the new Comme des Garçons SS 2015 collection. You know, the blood and roses one. It's gorgeous, and it bears more than a little bit of resemblance to the capsule collection Alex Da Corte (who collaborated with Rei Kawakubo on a mural installation for DSMNY) did with Brooklyn sleepwear streetwear label SAFE HOUSE USA. Behold his "blood lust" collection, and the new CdG:

a brief from Da Corte's collaboration with SAFE HOUSE USA:

“The poem should read--

I can't, Billy. You already cut me too deep. I think I'm dying here, man!



As a Billy, I love it. Also, I can't really afford to cop any of the new CdG but I already own the SAFE HOUSE USA shirt, so I feel like I'm ahead of the trend, that Kawakubo is cannibalizing her collaborators and ought to, honestly, just stock SAFE HOUSE USA (and, for that matter, FANMAIL-USA) at Dover Street Market, no?

After window shopping I got my shit back together and went to Joe's Pub to see The Meeting*, which is obviously organized and brained and hosted by the ineffable brilliant Miss Justin Sayre. It was just so fantastic and hilarious and... yeah. Wow. It was my first time going to the Meeting* (I know, I know), and Sunday was a tribute to Ethel Merman, featuring: Molly Pope, Erin Markey, Brian Kellow, Klea Blackhurst, Ben Rimalower, Rob Maitner and Tracy Stark. Everyone did such a bang-up job. It was (sorry to brag) another one of those nights that makes me so glad I live in New York. A really great show. I had to meet the minimum at Joe's, so I ordered more Shirley Temples. They were very fancy and the waitress was worried and told me that the maraschino cherries they use are house-made and brandied, but I said it's OK to have them. I'm not being religious about it. I didn't get drunk from them, don't worry.

Monday I had more rehearsal for the play, and then I also rehearsed a dance piece for Ballez. I'll be joining Katy Pyle and the rest of the Ballez company this weekend at their Works-in-Progress performances at BAX. I don't want to give anything away except to say that I am beyond honored to be part of this little showing. I'm not a trained dancer by any stretch of the imagination, but the thing I've been invited to participate in is gorgeous and I really, really hope people can see it.

Also: ballet dancing, even to the less-than-minimal-extent to which I'm aping it, for even such a tiny period of time, is really hard, and really painful and therefore really exciting to me.

Maybe, I think, right now is the perfect time to become a dancer. At 30. Since I'm so obsessed with my wasted potential, and humiliating myself onstage. Revealing that I have zero technique. Maybe this is a good way to go forward. I want to go to more Ballez classes in the spring. I'm going to. Okay.

On Saturday, after the BAX WIP showings, I'm going to hustle quick like a sexy little ballet rabbit up to Williamsburg to go to THRUST FOUR: BIRTHDAY EDITION celebrating the blessèd birth of miss Ruby Brunton. The evening features performances by Tommy Pico, Kaitlyn Greenidge,Clara Lou, Cynthia Chang, Max Steele (ASSUMING I GET THERE IN TIME!)
Julie Alsop, Per Form, Joseph Henry, Kayla Morse, Musical Interlude from Norvis Jr & a fire DJ set by Mutaurwa Mapondera (NO REQUESTS). This is a very special evening and I am doing a new sort of experimental rap cover and I think it'll be great. Even if it snows that night.

The new Sleater-Kinney record is out by now, and I'm happy. And so is the Erase Errata record! And the new Björk record. I'm not so crazy about Vulnicura, at least not yet. I must say. Still obsessed with No Cities to Love though and can't wait to see S-K next month. Here's a video of them performing "A New Wave"

Pretty great, right? I have a lot of critical and difficult feelings, though, about a) the sound mix here and b) Carrie's outfit. I don't want to be a jerk but I do feel like what you wear matters and I have a lot of questions and feelings about the white pants suit. For now best saved for real life or something, until I can collect myself.

This morning I read a really fantastic interview with Janet Weiss about the reunion and the new record, and it included this quote, which I love:
"I think what I've learned about getting older is that you have to be more in the moment and not looking so far ahead all the time. You'll just take more chances with what you create if you keep your focus close, you know? Don't start planning out five years ahead, because you may never get there. Sports are that way: they always say don't look past this game, because you'll be thinking about the next game and you'll lose the game you're playing. Life is very much like that, and I've learned that more as I get older. Focus on the game you're playing, because it can be the best game, and it can be your best work."

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