2/3/15

GOLD LOCK

I went to the gym and my lock was missing. Again. I lost mylock, I left it there and it got stolen. It was golden and it said “Tuff Stuff” on it. I realized only after I had gotten changed and I had to leave. I bought a new lock today. It says “Master”.

I had been talking to first, but he’s too sweet. He’s young and cute and little and needy he talks a lot. Nice looking. Elfin, cherubic. I bet he whines. Maybe picky. I’d have to be careful.

I talk to second. Might be too much the other way. He’s smart, he’s nearer to my age. An intellectual. Too close probably. Social world or philosophically. He’d be just we’d be I might be just barely almost for him but probably not enough, so close but no cigar I’d be maybe silver, maybe bronze. Maybe copper. Nickel. Aluminium. Tin. He’d get pissed and destroy me, right.

I came home. I walked home from the city, for two hours. It’s going to snow tonight and soon I won’t be able to do that. I saw the fire burning on the waterfront, the hospital records up in flames for now 36 hours. Right next to an oil refinery. The fire fighters said it could take a week to put out the fire. Residents nearby are growing impatient.

Listening to Patti LaBelle. That thing of singing in church. Going to church as a kid. Being around singing as a kid. I feel so poor. I feel: I didn’t have that. I could have been Patti LaBelle but I didn’t have what she has. This is wrong of me to feel. I realize.

To find a perfect place.
But yet

To find a perfect place without taking it away from someone else. Without a colony.
An authentic home, an unclaimed identity.

To break and enter
To eat all their food
To turn up your nose at your booty.

To be a snob about
Being a shoplifter

To be fussy. To hold out
For the perfect one.
To wait. To lie in wait, to just lie.

I came home and hello hand wave from a perfect one. Taller than me and younger than me and cooler than me. I think maybe a model. Never going to happen but sweet of him.

Goldie Locks when she came home when no when the bears came home and discovered her

She didn’t get to keep what she found, she didn’t get
To move in. they killed her.
And rightfully so.

They ate her alive
in their living room.

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