11/10/09

GUIDE TO SEDUCING AN ARIES

I'm a Leo, and while I get along with most everyone, and most people adore me (animals too), it's a known fact that my sign gets along particularly well with it's fellow fire signs. We're exciting, what can I say? Leo's feel a kind of sympatico around other Leos. Leos are very straightforward, easy to seduce (quick to bed), generous, sweet, etc. Sagittarius can be very demanding and particular, but rewarding, loyal (more or less) and affectionate. Aries are difficult.

My friend Avory Agony sent this to me in 2007. I had met them when I first got to NYC a few years before, and we were LiveJournal buddies. I knew they were really into astrology, so I once asked them for advice in seducing an Aries (Avory is an Aries).

I often quote this text. I've repeated it so, so many times. When I first got this, it changed my life for a number of reasons, really opened up my mind about human nature. And I totally recommend these tips to people all the time. And everyone agrees they're totally right-on. Recently I was repeating them to an Aries (they don't mind when you break down for them how you're going to try to woo them, they see it as a challenge or something-- 'tests of strength', etc. see below) and it occurred to me that I am often paraphrasing these tips to the point of actually forgetting them. So I dug up the original tips and wanted to share them with everyone.

(Now that I think about it, maybe an Aries wouldn't be so receptive to you sharing these with them. Cause, you know, they want to think of themselves as being really individualistic, unique, special, etc. and implying that their desires and needs are formulaic might piss them off, sound controlling. Or they'll be really into it, go figure. Use at your own risk.)


GUIDE TO SEDUCING AN ARIES, by AVORY AGONY, 2007
"Aries love newness and testing their strength let this be your mantra
in seduction, enjoy.

- Planning elaborate dates...
We love to see good work being done, especially when its to impress us-- remember: details, details, details. Take the reigns in suggesting a surprise date. Take them somewhere they've never been to get wasted, act like everything is magical. I of course, as a native New Yorker, have a few suggestions of favorite places with lots of stimulus and magic. The museum of natural history, take them to go see the unicorn tapestries at the Cloisters, a modern art museum or the aquarium.

- Be the worthy adversary...
As Aries, we are, at the very core of us, conceited people. Naturally, we like to feel like our partners are as cool as us. Walk the walk, talk the talk, dress to impress, wow us with details of things you've read in the New Yorker [Editor's note-- see my previous post, mention of Ayn Rand]. We love to feel like we have the hottest piece of ass around.

- Every time you fuck make sure its different...
This can be a combo of both newness and a test of strength. Yes, we are keeping track. Aries feel like they're being deprived without a rich, exciting sex life that they can fantasize about at the jobs they hate. I've never met an Aries that hasn't been as kinky as me so I would experiment with violating the Aries in as many creative ways as you can possibly think of. Talk trash and leave no fetish left unturned, well at least once...

- Wrestling...
Strength. We are ruled by Mars, the god of war, and love to flex those physical muscles. We also love competition and sports where we can get all sweaty and flustered. If you can, try and beat the shit out us and if you do take the liberty to laugh in our faces for just a second. We'll think it's the hottest ever.

- Make trouble, possibly break a law...
This has to do with rebellion and being bad. Every Aries wants to feel like a character from the movie The Outsiders. Whether yr Aries is Ponyboy, Soda Pop, Dallas or Johnny is a matter of personal taste.

- Presents...
I know it's materialistic, but we love surprises and will act like 5 year-old if you bring us something we think is cool. Make sure it's cool tho, you know what I mean."
I just e-mailed Avory to make sure they were okay with me posting these here (thanks Avory!) and they said they might have guides for other signs too. This is really exciting. It reminds me of the Pornoscopes I wrote for Birdsong a li'l while ago. I should do something else with those. Anyways, please feel free to forward these tips widely.
Y'know, tell your friends or whatever.

7 comments:

Vincent Ferré said...

Hi, this is Vincent - Stevie's friend, Berlin -. I'm loving this. Thank you.

billycheer@gmail.com said...

Hello Vincent! How are you?

Kyle Brod said...

as an aries, i approve of this pornoscope. esp re: be a worthy adversary, taking it up a notch with the date planning. be a firecracker.

PAPS said...

what about leos and virgos man?!? wtf is up with that shit?!?

Vincent Ferré said...

uuuh!

i'm good, good. considering some stuff. how are you?

i'm discovering and re-discovering every other day your blog, and i'm loving it and thus loving you and it feels very cool again to be attracted by a leo from a leo, etc.

Vincent Ferré said...

to paps: i think leos and virgos match just grrreat...

alex said...

THANK YOU AMY AND MAX TO POST THIS! as a fellow leo with a hot spot for aries, this is true and helpful!

xoalex